The world of candy corn lovers was turned upside down today due to a callous, cold-hearted tweet by one Elon James White to Donald Trump: “Nobody likes you,” tweeted Mr. White. “You literally make everything you touch worse. You’re the candy corn of people.”
The candy corn of people?!?!
A recap of an exchange that ensued was the subject of Part 1 of our post, “TWICC: This Week in Candy Cornness,” HERE.
As a result of Mr. White’s insensitivity toward candy corn and candy corn lovers, the following associations and organizations have joined together tonight to issue a single demand – that he apologize!
The esteemed assemblage behind this petition consists of the following:
The North American Candy Corn Council
The American Federation of Candy Corn Distributors
The International Society of Candy Corn Consumers
The Guild of American Candy Corn Makers
The National Center for the Study of Candy Corn
Candy Corn Eaters Anonymous
The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Candy Corn Lovers
The Canadian Association for Applied and Therapeutic Candy Corn Studies
The World Association of Candy Corn Distributor Networking
The American Association of Candy Technologists
The Dickinson Organization of Poetry Enthusiasts, an organization devoted to extolling the life of Emmett Lee Dickinson, Emily Dickinson’s third cousin, twice removed (at her request) – and the inventor of candy corn.
The Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum
This collection of candy corn producers, distributors, marketer, and lovers has issued the following proclamation:
Whereas candy corn is the number one rated candy in the world ~
Whereas Donald Trump’s facial make up is closer in color to a national brand of crunchy puffed cheese snacks than it is to candy corn ~
Whereas candy corn lovers are the most ridiculed and oppressed candy lovers in the world ~
Whereas candy corn is the favorite candy of countless politicians and celebrities including Jimmy Kimmel, Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Jaleel White, Joey Fatone, Flava Flav, Rob Schneider, and Oprah Winfrey ~
Whereas candy corn lovers can be silent no longer ~
We, the world’s manufacturers, distributors, researchers, and consumers of candy corn, demand an immediate apology from Elon James White for comparing Donald Trump to candy corn.
Stay woke -- and by all means -- stay tuned!