Blog Archives

The Cure for Cabin Fever

3/21/2020

From Lemuel Stuart III:

Are you beginning to experience a bit of cabin fever associated with quarantined life? Checking your phone too much? Crushing a bit too much candy? Snacking a just a bit too often? Feeling a bit disheartened and useless?
There are some things you can do to feel useful during the pandemic:

1. You can volunteer to assist with the construction of the Trump Death Camps going up outside hospitals across the country. If you can’t get out to help, Ivanka "Princess Vanky" Trump suggests that you build your own Trump Death Camp in the living room and play there with the kids.

Below left: Trump Death Camps are being constructed outside hospitals across the country. Below right: Ivanka Trump suggests building a pretend Trump Death Camp in the living room and then playing in it with the kids.

2. The American Association of Forest Rakers reminds you that you can distance yourself socially by traveling to a forest to rake. Only you can prevent forest fires – by raking forests.

Pictured at the right: Donald Trump and Third Lady Melania recommend the raking of forests to prevent forest fires.

3. If you live near any windmills, the National Windmill Cancer Association suggests that you go outside and bag wind to take to state and local wind dumps to help prevent the spread of windmill cancer. The NWCA suggests using GOP approved Wind Bags.

Pictured at the left: Republican Air Bags -- so that you can bag wind to help prevent Windmill Cancer.

4. The GOP Brotherhood of Klan is looking for volunteers at the US southern boarder to form a Wall of Meat. Due to the current call for social distancing, though, volunteers must stand six to ten feet apart, so instead of being part of a Wall of Meat, you’d be more of a Meat Post.

5. The White House is also looking for volunteers at the border to man caravan look out towers. “Caravans are still out there,” says Stephen Miller, the head of Trump’s Neo-Nazi Affairs. “We just have to find them.”

6. Finally, your can volunteer to help the National Society of Veterinarians manufacture Death Deflector Cones to help people stop touching their faces.

Below: Donald Trump and Mike Pence wear Death Deflector Cones at Conornavirus Lie Briefings.

Music To My Fears

3/21/2020

From Q. L. Dickinson:

Three years before Stephen Sondheim's show A Little Night Music opened on Broadway in 1973, he had a little known show called A Little Fright Music that ran for 200 performances. The show was about social distancing during a global pandemic.

Below are excerpts from four of the show's songs -- The Quarantined Life, Perpetual Acceleration, Remember, and A Weekend in the Country.

THE QUARANTINED LIFE

Sit on the couch now, la la la,
Lie on the couch now, la la la,
Nap on the couch now, la la la,
Hi-ho, the quarantined life!

Hoarding the TP, la la la,
Binge watching TV, la la la,
Brewing more coffee, la la la,
Hi-ho, the quaratined life!

Checking my phone now, la la la,
Checking my phone now, la la la,
Checking my phone now, la la la,
Hi-ho, the quarantined life!

Still wearing jammies, la la la,
Crushing the candy, la la la,
Sipping the brandy, la la la,
Hi-ho, the quarantined life!

PERPETUAL ACCELERATION

Perpetual acceleration’s not good
     for the soul
And it's bad for the lungs.
It's very good for practicing self-control,
It's very good for washing, but bad
     for morale.
It's very bad.
It can lead to going quite mad.
It's very good for social distancing,
     we do what one should.
It's very good.
Perpetual acceleration's a frightening fact,
Slow at the start,
Snowballing fast
Not good for the heart
And so we must act!
Perpetual acceleration’s not good
     for the soul
And it's bad for the lungs.

REMEMBER

MR. MACY:
Remember?

MRS. NORDSTROM:
Remember?
The overcrowded bar where we met--
Remember?

MR MACY:
Remember?
The cover charge that put us in debt--
Remember?

MRS. NORDSTROM:
Remember?

BOTH:
The nachos on the plate that we ordered,
Belching our mugs of beer --

MR. MACY:
Ah, how we laughed! Ah, how we cheered!

MRS. NORDSTROM:
Ah, now we're secluded so don’t you
come near!

A WEEKEND IN THE COUNTRY

THE INTROVERT:
A weekend in the country,
How delightful
When there’s no one around
A weekend in the country,
Peace and quiet--
Far from town!

THE EXTROVERT:
A weekend in the country,
No one else there?
Then I think I’ll go mad
A weekend in the country,
I’m so lonely
Oh, how sad!

Other songs in the show include the following:

* Fright Waltz
* How / When / Where
* Every Day A Little Death
* Dangerous Liaisons
* (I Shall Cancel My Wedding To) The Miller's Son
* Send In the Kleenex

Unexpected Consequences

3/21/2020

From Lemuel Stewart III:

While the country hunkers down in the grips of the coronavirus pandemic -- the very pandemic that Trump knew would be a pandemic before anyone else knew it would be a pandemic (and then he sat on his fat ass and did nothing) -- we thought that we would bring you up-to-date on some unexpected consequences related to this crisis:

1. As the coronavirus moves into West Virginia, grocery stores are reporting significant shortages of corn cobs, pork rinds, & Jim Varney VHS tapes (we have received confirmation of this from Justin Lloyd, Jim Varney’s biographer and nephew; @jimvarneybook on Twitter).

Also this just in: The celebrity pro-am Street Bowling Championship in Morgantown is cancelled, as is the annual Possum Boil in the greater Wheeling area.

Below left: Jim Varney as Ernest in "Social Distance Disease." Below right: Mar-a-lago, now closed, will suffer without daily spraying to control the bedbug infestation there.

2. Multiple pest control companies in Palm Beach, Florida, have had to furlough all of their employees now that Mar-A-Lago has closed.

“This will really have an impact on the economy of Palm Beach,” said Bodean Shifflet, Service Technician for The Miceman Cometh Pest Control Company. “Plus,” he added, “that bedbug infestation at Mar-A-Lago ain’t gonna take care of itself.”

“Just stay calm,” piped in his assistant Ricky Wayne Scruggs, “and they’ll just go away.”

Both then broke into laughter.

3. Speaking of the Mar-A-Lago closure, Senator Lindsey Graham has introduced a bill to the Senate for a million dollar bailout for all Trump hotels and golf courses.

“This is perhaps the most significant bill we can pass during this pandemic – which is really a Democratic hoax,” said Graham.

Mitch McConnell has promised to fast track the bill. "Americans are just too ***ing stupid to see through this," said McConnell.

4. Liquor stores across America report empty shelves in their Tequila aisles.

5. Retiring its false and facetious catchphrase, “Fair and Balanced,” Fox News has announced a new and more fitting motto: “You Can’t Fix Stupid – But You Can Sure FOX It.”

6. Republican Senators – and even the head of the New York Stock Exchange – continue to rake in millions due to insider trading. They are also revoking food stamps and health care for our most needy citizens, and they are hoping to deny access to the poorest Americans of Donald Trump’s “Corona Cash,” his diversionary currency to buy our love.

7. The apocryphal Monkey Gang Wars have begun in Thailand. For information, click HERE.

8. We now get regular updates on the White House’s new Tennis Pavilion.

“Next up,” spurted Third Lady Melania, “we have plans for a polo arena.” She then bared her top for the press pool photographers.

9. WHO announced that the coronavirus can spread through feces, so Depends is working on a protective diaper for President Trump – no so much for him, but for his diaper changers.

10. Sales for Snake Penis Wine have skyrocketed since the Swedish pop-duo “Ry mit Süze” announced the pending release of their music video “Snake Penis Wine (Got Me Feelin' Mighty Fine).

"Det är det perfekta vinet för social distansering," (It's the perfect wine for social distancing) exclaimed Süze Glynnstavssonsohn, one half of the world renowned duo.

Information is HERE.

Ignorance, Thy Name Is Trump

3/21/2020

From Dorothy Dawe,

A legendary question that regularly surfaces during scandals of villainous politicians is, “What did he know, and when did he know it?”

In the case of Trump’s catastrophic response to COVID-19, he knew the spread would result in a pandemic, and he knew it months before the first case hit our shores. Yet. He. Did. Nothing.

As a matter of fact, Trump responded in ways detrimental to our country.

Stay calm, he said. It will go away, he said. The risk is low, he said. Very low, he said. Just go to work, he said. It will wash through, he said. My uncle was a really smart guy, he said. He went to MIT, he said.

Now, as the infection spreads out of control and the country is on lockdown, we brace for the worst. Trump lumbers in front of cameras daily, lashes out at reporters, and spreads invective, misinformation, and lies.

“Because of Trump’s disdain for expertise and his obsession with loyalty, we entered this crisis with a government from which many competent professionals have been purged, and whose political appointees tend to be lackeys and mediocrities,” reports Michelle Goldberg in The New York Times.

The result?

Representative Andy Levin (D-MI) told Goldberg, “The worst-case scenarios is right now” (the complete article is HERE).

The very making of this crisis was outlined in Emmett Lee Dickinson’s “The event was directly before him”:

The event was directly before Trump – in briefings as early as December or January.
Yet there was no response. He took no action. Trump did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prepare or protect our country.
The spread of the virus is now making its way around the globe and around our country -- as a direct result of Trump’s apathy and ignorance.
Now thousands if not hundreds of thousands will die as a direct result of Trump’s ignorance and inaction.

Dickinson’s poem is below on the left. His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem “The event was directly behind him,” below on the right.

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

The event was directly before him
Yet there was no response
Fitted itself to Mankind ’round the Globe
Relished His ignorance.
Motioned itself to kill
Loaded and Levelled
And drowned our Flesh
As he ignored his Role.

By Emily Dickinson:

The event was directly behind Him
Yet He did not guess
Fitted itself to Himself like a Robe
Relished His ignorance.
Motioned itself to drill
Loaded and Levelled
And let His Flesh
Centuries from His soul.

Insider Traitors

3/20/2020

From Dorothy Dawe:

I am sooo beyond words due to the scandal du jour -- our should I say de l'heure? -- the unscrupulous insider trading conducted by Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) and Senator Kelly Loeffler (R-GA).

Following the despicable if not horrific lack of leadership on the part of Donald Trump, this latest outrage is just beyond outrageous.

From @itsJeffTiedrich on Twitter: "No one could have predicted that the party of Nazis, compromised Russian assets, pedophile wrestling coaches, mall creepers, sex-trafficking plutocrats, blackout-drunk rapist judges, and bone saw murder apologists would also be the party of insider-trading pandemic profiteers."

From @Real_ALincoln: "What a day! The intersection of @GOP blatant crime and profiteering, combined with a crashing economy and rising pandemic death toll. I want them all gone. I want the GOP ended."

Below and right: More comments from Twitter -- and believe me, this is just the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. Click the images to enlarge.

AND GET THIS: SENATOR LOEFLLER IS MARRIED TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE NEW YORK STOCK EXCHANGE:

I am outraged beyond words. Fortunately, I can turn to the poetry of Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request), and his short poem "He feared the News -- yet heard -- the News" (below on the left) sums up the immorality and greed on the part of Senators Burr and Loeffler. Dickinson's poem also inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "I sued the News -- yet feared -- the news" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

He feared the News – yet heard –
the News
That such a Gain could come –
“For Trades with inside tips” to be
Thrown open wide to him –

By Emily Dickinson:

I sued the News – yet feared –
the News
That such a Realm could be –
"The House not made with Hands" it was –
Thrown open wide to me –

The Brotherhood of Klan

3/19/2020

From Jarvis MacKinnon III:

This will likely come as no surprise at all, but did you know that the biggest flop on Broadway was a musical based on the life of Donald Trump? It was called "How To Fail At Every Business You Try." The show was so bad that it actually closed before it even opened -- ticket sales just did not justify opening the theatre for such a flop!

One of the hoped-to-be-a-hit songs in the show was called "The Brotherhood of Klan." Below are the opening lyrics to that song:

You see, Donald, even though we're all a part of this cold, corporate setup,
Deep down, under our white skins, there's pure flesh and Aryan blood,
So we're all brothers.
Now one may join the Elks, my friend,
And one may join the Shriners,
And other men may carry cards as members of the Diner's.
Still others wear a golden key or small Greek letter pin.
But I have learned there's one great club
The rest of us are in.
There is a
Brotherhood of Klan
A bigoted Brotherhood of Klan.
A noble tie that binds all hateful hearts and minds
Into one Brotherhood of Klan
Your lifelong membership is free;
Keep agivin' each white man all you can.
Oh, aren't you proud to be in that fraternity?
The great big Brotherhood of Klan!

Of course, just today, Trump proudly trotted out his racists ways in front of the TV cameras at a live press briefing surrounding the Trump virus and the spreading Trumpdemic. He used his infamous sharpie to change "corona" to "Chinese," because he had to stoke the fears of his narrow-minded, uneducated base to give them someone to hate, someone to blame other than himself (especially since he has now admitted that he knew this was a pandemic and he did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to prepare or protect our country).

Donald Trump is such an ugly and vile man, and he cannot keep himself from using ugly and vile language. He uses it to create dissonance, to divide us.

His hateful language calls to mind the short poem by Emmett Lee Dickinson, "The words the racists say" (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "The words the happy say" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

The words the racists say
Are dreadful dissonance
But those from open minds
Are beautiful –

By Emily Dickinson:

The words the happy say
Are paltry melody
But those the silent feel
Are beautiful –

Trump Knew

3/18/2020

From Emerson Nettles:

Trump knew.

He knew that the COVID-19 global pandemic was a pandemic even before it became a pandemic. He said so yesterday.

He said that he knew -- and yet he did nothing. He knew -- and yet he warned no one. As a matter of fact, he played the crisis down by insisting it was a Democratic hoax. He knew -- and yet he did nothing to start testing. As a matter of fact, he turned down testing kits offered to the US by the World Health Organization. He knew -- and yet he didn't lift a finger. He didn't order ventilators. He didn't prepare hospitals. He didn't avert this crisis in any way.

Donald Trump himself said that he knew -- and that he knew it before the issue even became a global pandemic.

Is there any better reason why this man should not be removed from office? HE KNEW -- AND HE DID NOTHING.

ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING.

Could anything be more evil? The President of the United States KNEW that a global pandemic was on its way -- AND HE DID NOTHING TO PROTECT THE COUNTRY?

Remind me -- how does that presidential oath go again?

In the mean time, I'll remind you of a poem by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) that sums this up, "It's such a little thing to speak" (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "It's such a little thing to weep" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

It’s such a little thing to speak –
So short a thing to try –
And yet – he KNEW – and did not act
Now friends and neighbors die!

By Emily Dickinson:

It's such a little thing to weep –
So short a thing to sigh –
And yet – by Trades – the size of these
We men and women die!

The Man Who Knew Too Much

3/17/2020

From Dorothy Dawe:

Trump knew! He always knew! He knew before we knew. He knows, did know and will always know that the spread of the COVID-19 virus was a pandemic!

His talk about it being a Democratic hoax -- was just a hoax!

He knew all along -- and just didn't want to give away any spoilers!

Wasn't that just so presidential of him?

Of course he knew! He knows more than the scientists! You know -- his uncle was a genius at MIT -- SO OF COURSE TRUMP KNEW!!

Now he's going to send us all a bit of Coronacash! $500? $1,000? Who knows -- but he wants to buy our love cuz he's just so generous and lovable like that -- and smart! Don't forget smart. And honest.

Now you millionaires and billionaires out there -- don't think you're going to get that $500 too. Oh, no no no.

Instead, you'll get billions more in the form of tax breaks and government hand outs -- so just hold tight!

Anyway, the big news tonight is that Trump knew. He knew, he always knew and he will always know that the coronavirus outbreak was, is and will be a pandemic! Trump is just that smart.

The fact that Trump knew called to mind Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem "That I did always know" (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "that I did always love" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

That I did always know
I bring thee Proof
That I did know
I never lied – Enough –

That I shall know always –
I argue thee
That truth is life –
And lies hath no place with me

This – dost thou doubt – Me –
Then have I
Nothing to show
Except some beach front property in Arizona that would be perfect for you –

By Emily Dickinson:

That I did always love
I bring thee Proof
That till I loved
I never lived – Enough –

That I shall love alway –
I argue thee
That love is life –
And life hath Immortality –

This – dost thou doubt – Sweet –
Then have I
Nothing to show
But Calvary –

Home Alone

3/17/2020

From Anderson Rudge:

Being stuck at home is one thing -- but being stuck at home with no March Madness?!? Well, that's just pure madness!

Below left: Half of a "March Sadness" bracket we found. There are others -- just Google-search "March Sadness Bracket."

Below right: The Quarantini, an esy to make lemon/honey martini. The recipe & info are HERE.

Of course, the definitive poem about life in quarantine is Emmett Lee Dickinson's immortal poem, "My Ass so little has to do" (below on the left). His poem inspired Emily Dickinson to get up off her ass to pen her poem "The Grass so little has to do" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

My Ass so little has to do,
Each Day in Quarantine –
With only TV shows, to binge,
And Kids, to entertain

I stir each day at close to noon
The Hours pass along,
And hold the phone calls, for a nap
And don’t do anything,

And spend the Day, upon the Couch,
And sit to pass the time
The Doldrums, are too common
For such a noticing

And even when the time, does pass
In Boredom I recline –
In lowly spaces, lain to sleep –
A Snoozehead, slumbering –

And then, to dwell among the Yawns
And dream the Days away,
My Ass so little has to do,
Wish I could fly Away –

By Emily Dickinson:

The Grass so little has to do,
A Sphere of simple Green –
With only Butterflies, to brood,
And Bees, to entertain –

And stir all day to pretty tunes
The Breezes fetch along,
And hold the Sunshine, in its lap
And bow to everything,

And thread the Dews, all night, like Pearl,
And make itself so fine
A Duchess, were too common
For such a noticing,

And even when it die, to pass
In Odors so divine –
Like Lowly spices, lain to sleep –
Or Spikenards, perishing –

And then, to dwell in Sovereign Barns,
And dream the Days away,
The Grass so little has to do,
I wish I were a Hay –

How else can you pass the time during this time of quarantine and social distancing?

* Check out our special exhibit "March Madness with Alfred Hitchcock" -- click HERE.

* Check out any of our other special exhibits -- there are lots to pick from! For details, click HERE.

* Test your knowledge of the Emily Dickinson's poetry with one of our online quizzes. Click HERE.

* Check out our soon-to-be-released dating sites -- one for single librarians and one for single poets. Click HERE.

* Check out our past plog (poetry blog) posts on March Madness, HERE.

That'll keep ya busy!

Marshall Arts

3/17/2020

From Angstrom Dickinson

First Marco Rubio tweeted this:

Later he tweeted this:

It was if we were living through a re-run of the Brady Bunch:

It also called to mind a poem by Emmett Lee Dickinson, "A little Dog that wags his tail" (below on the left). We've said it before and we'll say it again: Emmett Lee Dickinson was quite an incredible visionary. His poem captures how trivial Rubio has become. Dickinson's poem also inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem with the same opening line.

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

A little Dog that wags his tail
And knows no other joy
Of such a little Dog is he
He’s just a little Boy

Who idles all the living Day
With hopes to brown his nose
Because he is a little Boy
I honestly suppose –

The Rumor in the Corner dwells
Of “Marshall Law” he thought
Reduced to just a puppet now
He wagged his tail a Lot

Others then reminded him
Those not pleased by his noise
We know you meant it “Martial Law”
Now run off little Boy –

By Emily Dickinson:

A little Dog that wags his tail
And knows no other joy
Of such a little Dog am I
Reminded by a Boy

Who gambols all the living Day
Without an earthly cause
Because he is a little Boy
I honestly suppose –

The Cat that in the Corner dwells
Her martial Day forgot
The Mouse but a Tradition now
Of her desireless Lot

Another class remind me
Who neither please nor play
But not to make a "bit of noise"
Beseech each little Boy –

We suspect that Rubio is still scratching his head about all of this. What did he mean -- marshall law? Martial law? Marital law? Martian law?

Here, liddle' Marco. This should help: