| Yesterday’s post included a homework assignment. Were you able to finish it? In response to an excerpt from a podcaster’s interview with poet Ocean Vuong, I shared a poem by Dickinson, “As imperceptibly as Grief”; however, I purposefully left off the last line. You were to compose a final line for the poem, but not just any line – one that our “species has never encountered.” Here’s the background: Vuong once handed a professor one of his poems; the prof scanned it and said, “You see that line you wrote?” He typed it into Google for a search. As the results popped up, he acknowledged, “It’s a decent line, but 300,000 people beat you to it.” He hit the point home with, “We’re out here to write sentences the species has never encountered.” So how did you conclude Dickinson’s poem? |  |
Of course, on the surface, the gist of the poem is the transition of Summer into Autumn. In the final lines, the season – “without a Wing / Or service of a Keel” – makes its escape…? But escapes how? Where? Why? What should the final line say?
I will point out that the poem has a very loose rhyme scheme, so there’s no pressure to compose a final line with a perfect rhyme. The alternate even lines have various types of slant rhymes – some concentrated on a vowel or consonant sound. The “rhymes” throughout the poem are “away”/”Perfidy,” “begun”/”Afternoon,” “shone”/”gone” – and “keel” with whatever we might end the poem.
I suspect an easy way to conclude the work would be to explain to where the Summer escaped – so how about “into the autumn’s veil.” “Veil” hints at the colors of fall, and it “rhymes” in similar fashion the rest of the poem with “keel.”
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
Into the autumn’s veil.
That seems pretty cliché, though, no?
Let’s see, how about concluding the poem with, “As winds of change exhaled.” While I like the inclusion of the wind, a favorite weather phenomenon of Dickinson’s (a search for “wind” on the online archive generates 172 entries), this image, more so than my first, is rather hackneyed.
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
As winds of change exhaled.
What do you think of “Bound for Eternity”? Well, it’s definitely been done before – even by Dickinson herself in “Because I could not stop for Death” – and it certainly fits better in that poem with the carriage and horses. Also, “Eternity” spoils what’s going on with the poem’s rhyme scheme -- and the term seems too obligatory for a 19th century poem.
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
Bound for Eternity.
I suppose I could keep on trying, but I don’t believe I’d come up with anything better than what Dickinson wrote. So how did Summer make her light escape in Dickinson’s poem?
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
Into the beautiful.
It’s a beautiful poem with a beautiful ending. I wrote about this poem last December, HERE, and said this:
“I have to tell you, this poem took my breath away. That last stanza – and in particular that last line – left me awestruck. And did you notice the play on words in the penultimate line? I had to sit in silence after reading this poem to contemplate the images and message of dealing with loss and grief. I re-read the poem, twice. It’s beautiful.”
I will point out that the poem has a very loose rhyme scheme, so there’s no pressure to compose a final line with a perfect rhyme. The alternate even lines have various types of slant rhymes – some concentrated on a vowel or consonant sound. The “rhymes” throughout the poem are “away”/”Perfidy,” “begun”/”Afternoon,” “shone”/”gone” – and “keel” with whatever we might end the poem.
I suspect an easy way to conclude the work would be to explain to where the Summer escaped – so how about “into the autumn’s veil.” “Veil” hints at the colors of fall, and it “rhymes” in similar fashion the rest of the poem with “keel.”
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
Into the autumn’s veil.
That seems pretty cliché, though, no?
Let’s see, how about concluding the poem with, “As winds of change exhaled.” While I like the inclusion of the wind, a favorite weather phenomenon of Dickinson’s (a search for “wind” on the online archive generates 172 entries), this image, more so than my first, is rather hackneyed.
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
As winds of change exhaled.
What do you think of “Bound for Eternity”? Well, it’s definitely been done before – even by Dickinson herself in “Because I could not stop for Death” – and it certainly fits better in that poem with the carriage and horses. Also, “Eternity” spoils what’s going on with the poem’s rhyme scheme -- and the term seems too obligatory for a 19th century poem.
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
Bound for Eternity.
I suppose I could keep on trying, but I don’t believe I’d come up with anything better than what Dickinson wrote. So how did Summer make her light escape in Dickinson’s poem?
And thus, without a wing,
Or service of a keel,
Our summer made her light escape
Into the beautiful.
It’s a beautiful poem with a beautiful ending. I wrote about this poem last December, HERE, and said this:
“I have to tell you, this poem took my breath away. That last stanza – and in particular that last line – left me awestruck. And did you notice the play on words in the penultimate line? I had to sit in silence after reading this poem to contemplate the images and message of dealing with loss and grief. I re-read the poem, twice. It’s beautiful.”
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