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Emmett Lee Dickinson Community College
Emmett Lee Dickinson Community College was the first community college in the United States, and it is the premiere community college in the world, offering advanced associate degrees in the Poetry of Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request), Infomercial Development, Bowling Industry Management, Landscaping and Turf Management, Puppetry and Balloon Animal Engineering, Ufology (the study of UFOs), Synchronized Sports Administration, Enigmatology, Oriental Medicine and Herbology, Blacksmithing, and Global Governance.
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Pictured above, left and right: The picturesque campus of Emmett Lee Dickinson Community College; a vintage photograph of the "Fighting Poets," the ELDCC football team -- departing for an away game against Bryn Mawr; the ELDCC cheerleaders are called "Emilies."
Alumni of ELDCC include Kathy Griffin, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Buffett, Jimmy Hoffa, Jimmy the Greek, Jimmy Walker, Jimmy Durante, Oprah Winfrey, and Kato Kaelin (one semester only).
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Emmett Lee Dickinson Community College is a subsidary of Dickinson College in Carlisle, Pennsylvania.
Pictured at the left: ELDCC preseident Sven Neuteboom sends a congratulatory message to the new president of Dickinson College.
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Harvard Junior College
Harvard Junior College is the oldest junior college in the United States, founded in 1938 by Joe Harvard, owner of Pilgrim Van Lines moving company. HJC is the top rated junior college in the United States and the world for degrees in Fermentation Sciences, Comparative Canadian Studies, Auctioneering, and 20th Century Cell Phone Linguistics and Textology.
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Pictured above left: Known as the "statue of four lies," the likeness of Joe Harvard stands outside the admissions office at Harvard Junior College.
Pictured above center: The Arts & Letters building on the campus of Harvard Junior College (the trailer is used to alleviate overcrowding in the classrooms).
Pictured above center: The Arts & Letters building on the campus of Harvard Junior College (the trailer is used to alleviate overcrowding in the classrooms).
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A Clean Community
Washerst, PA, is home to the global headquarters of Kleen Kitty Kat Litter, the top brand of cat litter used around the world. Civic pride of Washerstians is reflected in their town motto, “Washerst – We Are A Kleen Kommunity.” But did you know that Washerst is also a "Clean Community" -- because Washerst is home to the internationally famous Washerst Dry Cleaning Acadmeny, founded in 1875 by Rudy Del Vecchio (pictured below).
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Washerst is also home to the International Institute of Laundry and Ironing Sciences (pictured at the right).
Have you ever wondered what comprises a "large load" of laundry? Or who determines the settings on an iron for a particular fabric? Or what the best detergent is to use if your male cats spray your living room curtains? You'll learn the answers to these quesitons and much, much more at the IILIS. When you're in Washerst, just look for the building that looks like a washing machine's agitator! For more information on the IILIS, click HERE. 
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Pictured at the left: The most famous landmark in Washerst associated with the cleaning industry is the Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum -- perched above the coin-op Laundromat on Dickinson Boulevard. The Laundromat has top-loaders and front loaders that can handle anything from small to industrial loads! Tokens for washers and dryers are available in the Laundromat or in an alcove inside the museum. |
Curl Up & Dye Institute of Cosmetology
Emmett Lee Dickinson’s mother, Emalee Incross, was a cosmetician at the Perish & Begone Funeral Parlor. Due to her relationship with the owners of the business, the Dickinson family was able to reside in a basement apartement of the funeral parlor. In later years she contracted out her services to the various funeral parlors in the area under the name “Curl Up and Dye.” Today, Washerst is home to the Curl Up & Dye Institute of Cosmetology, one of the premiere cosmetology schools in the world.
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Pictured at the far left: The Perish & Begone Funeral Parlor owned by brothers Eberhard and Egan Perish and Caldwell Begone. Pictured at the left: An extremely rare photograph showing some of the Dickinson's basement living quarters. |
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Clowning Around
The Hobart Dickinson Clown Academy & School for the Balloon Arts is named after Hobart Dickinson, uncle to Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request).
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The memory of "Gurgles the Clown" lives on in Washerst! The "Gurgles the Clown Novelty Shop" on Dickinson Boulevard (pictured at the right) is a popular destination for tourists!
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Mum's the Word
Washerst, PA, is also home to the internationally acclaimed Institute for the Study of Body Language, Mummery, and Mimery.
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Pictured at the right: The 1967 graduating class of the Institute for the Study of Body Language, Mummery, and Mimery -- known as the "Sixty-seven class from heaven." Members of the class of '67 included the following:
3rd from the left: Bernadette Peters 5th from the left: Meryl Streep 6th from the left: Andy Kaufman 5th from the right: Sissy Spacek 4th from the right: Garry Shandling 2nd from the right: Brent Spiner |
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The Donald Trump School for Cons, Angles, & Manipulation (Trump SCAM) is located in Trump Tower Washerst, the most luxurious sky scraper in the heart of downtown.
SCAM courses include the Art of the Shakedown, Sham and Shady Deal; Advanced Bamboozlement; and Flimflam and Fraud for Beginners. |
AAAA For Women
Having survived Boston's Great Spider Infestion of 1807, Miss. Mary Margaret Muffet relocated to Washerst to open and run the American Academy of Arachnology & Acarology for Women, the premiere center for study of arachnids for women in the country.
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Kathy Griffin School of Improv, Comedy
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In a day and age when women weren’t educated, Kathy Griffin’s progressive parents sent her to the Emmett Lee Dickinson School for Boys in Manhattan as “Cory” Griffin.
Pictured at the right: Griffin's yearbook picture as "Cory" Griffin. |
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Griffin eventually returned to Washerst to open the Kathy Griffin School of Improv, Comedy & Comedy Arts -- and it was her school that inspired Oprah Winfrey to open the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in the town of Henley-on-Klip, south of the city of Johannesburg, in South Africa.
Pictured at the left: Kathy Griffin as "Kathy" Griffin, the keynote speaker at last year's commencement exercises at the Kathy Griffin School of Improv, Comedy & Comedy Arts.
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Tonya Harding's Synchronized Sports Academy
After her involvement in the attack of Olypic skater Nancy Kerrigan, three years of probation and 500+ hours of community service, Tonya Harding moved to Washerst and became a professional wrestler. Harding wrestled for an organiation called "WOW" ("Wrestlers of Washerst") and appeared under the name of "Mean Maxine."
Due to a soft and declining advertising market, though, "WOW" could not build and sustain any momentum. The organization halted their productions after just a dozen organized matches. In her work with "WOW," though, Harding recognized that a popular feature with the public was a segment of synchronized wrestling at each of the "WOW" events. |
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Soon after "WOW" folded, Harding opened "Tonya Harding's Synchronized Sports Academy ," and it is now recognized as the premiere synchronized sports training center in the world. The academy offers training in sychronized chess, boxing, dwarf throwing, kabaddi (holding one's breath), dodgeball, luge, street luge, bowling, bridge, hunting, kayaking, and more!
Pictured above: Synchronized sports have always been a part of Washerst history! Above, the "creatively disturbed teens" at Camp Wattchulukinat perform synchronized wading in Lake Dickinson
in Dickinson Park, Washerst, PA. |
Camp Wattchulukinat (What-You-Looking-At)
For a short time in his youth, Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) spent time at Camp Wattchulukinat for Troubled Youth (pronounced Camp "What-You-Lookin'-At") in Fort Crook, Nebraska. There he met the Redenbacher brothers, Orville and Wilbur, and he forged a friendship that would last for years due to their one common passion: corn. This time in Dickinson's life is documented in Volume 1 of Great American Poems ~ REPOEMED.
Throughout the late 1800s and early 1900s, Camp Wattchulukinat franchises opened across the country, with a peak number of 452 camps operating by 1938. Later, the focus of the camps changed from helping "troubled youth" to mentoring "creatively disturbed teens," but with the advent of "the Internets," camps began to close at an alarming rate. Today, just one Camp Wattchulukinat remains open -- in Washerst, PA! |
National School Cafteria Training Center
Not only is Washerst, PA, home to the National Public School Cafeteria Lunch Processing Plant (pictured below), it is also the site of the premiere preparatory school for cafeteria lunch ladies in the United States, the National School Cafeteria Training Center (pictured at the right).
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Pictured above: The National School Cafeteria Training Center, photographed shortly after an ugly mishap on a day of intensive training on the preparation of assorted fish tacos, pinto beans, cherry tomatoes with dip, and Mandarin orange slices.
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Center for the Study of Insomnia & Disturbed Sleep
Washerst's Center for the Study of Insomnia & Disturbed Sleep, located in the heart of the historic downtown area, is the premiere training school in the United States for sleep medicine and the study of sleep disorders.
Pictured below: The CSIDS overlooks the hustle and bustle on Dickinson Boulevard in historic Washerst, PA, the perfect location for the research of insomnia and other sleep disorders. 
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The Betty Fjörd Training Center for Rehabilitation & Therapeutic Recovery Technicians
The Betty Fjörd Training Center for Rehabilitation & Therapeutic Recovery Technicians is located just steps away from several of Washerst's most famous businesses, including the Dickinson Distillery (the largest distillery on the east coast), Dickinson's Liquors, and the Old Poet Bar.
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The Betty Fjörd Training Center for Rehabilitation & Therapeutic Recovery Technicians is conveniently located near some of Washerst's most famous institutions, including those pictured below, left to right (click the images to enlarge): Dickinson Distillery, makers of "Wild Poet Whiskey"; Dickinson's Liquors; and the Old Poet Bar.
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National College Textbook Publishers Association
Besides being home to some of the country's and the world's top-rated learning institutions, Washerst, PA, is also home to the headquarters for the National College Textbook Publishers Association.
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Washerst Canadian Hockey Center
Besides being America's greatest poet, Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) was also a prolific inventor. A list of some of his inventions is found HERE. One of his most celebrated creations was Canadian Hockey. In the late 1800s , Dickinson partnered with Hyman Philpot Stanley (for whom the "Stanley Cup" is named) to found the Washerst Canadian Hockey Center, the top rated training center for Canadian Hockey players.
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Pictured above: The Washerst Canadian Hockey Center is the premiere training center for players of Canadian Hockey in the world. The center is known for its comprehensive training program for cultivating and advancing team rivalries. Every year, conflicts explode at the final practice until much of the building is destroyed. The rebuilding of the WCHC is a favorite annual tradition of Washerstians and Canadian Hockey enthusiasts.
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Washerst International Film School
The top rated film school in the United States and the world is the Washerst International Film School, the alma mater of such film luminaries as David Lynch, Stanley Kubrick, Martin Scorsese, Frederico Fellini, Frank Capra, Ed Wood, and Penny Marshall.
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Howie Mandel's Twitter & Micro-Blogging Academy
Have you ever wondered what the check-mark means on Twtitter accounts? It means that the account is run by someone who graduated from Howie Mandel's Twitter and Micro-Blogging Academy.
Mandel, who attended the Emmett Lee Dickinson School for Boys in Manhattan, opened the training center in Washerst in April of 2006. In order to graduate -- and earn the check mark -- tweeters must complete such rigorous courses such as Pointless Babble, Hashtaggery, Advanced Hashtaggery, Social Media Grooming, Peripheral Awareness, Trending Topics, and Advanced Retweeting. Some of the most famous "Twits" -- as graduates of the HMT&MBA are called -- include Justin Belieber, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Penny Marshall, Jimmy Fallon, Bebe Neuwirth, Kenny Rogers, and Wilford Brimley |
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The National Hipster Training Institute
Hipsters are a subculture of men and women who value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, witty banter -- and the poetry of Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request).
In short, the Hipster movement IS Washerst, Pennsylvania, home to the National Hipster Training Institute.
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National Academy of Deaf Piano Tuners
Some people say that blind piano tuners are the best, but Washertians know that no piano tuner can out-do the work of a deaf piano tuner!
Pictured at the right: Some say that the National Academy of Deaf Piano Tuners, founded by A. Major Mazuka, looks like an upright piano. Others say it resembles a pipe organ.
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Pictured below, left to right: Composer John Cage, who attended the Emmett Lee Dickinson School for Boys in Manhattan; Cage's score for 4' 33', his most famous piece -- inspired by and dedicated to the National Academy of Deaf Piano Tuners; an excerpt from 4' 33".
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Miley Cyrus' Twerkin' Tots Dance Studio
The number one dance studio in Washerst -- and the United States -- is Miley Cyrus' Twerkin' Tots Dance Studio for girls aged 3 to 8.
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D. D. Goings' School For Typing & Amanuensis Services
For a short time in his life, Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) worked a as a metallurgical apprentice for Eliphalet Remington. Ultimately, he made metal keys
for a machine that Remington was devising to be used for the impressing or transcribing of letters singly or progressively one after another on a piece of paper. Remington was going to call it the “inked letter thumper,” but Dickinson suggested that he call it the “typo-writer.” Daisy Delphi Goings (pictured at the left) was one of the first to see the creative capabilities of the "typo-writer," and her works inspired E. E. Cummings to experiment with form and the arrangement of his poetry. |
Pictured above: In the late 1800s, D. D. Goings opened her School for Typing and Amanuensis Services in Washerst, PA.
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Pictured above: Students at the School for Typing and Amanuensis Services, founded by Daisy Delphi "D. D." Goings
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Pictured below: The first publication of D. D. Goings poetry 96 Poems -- and two of her poems, "i" and "i carry your less-than-three with me" (click the images to enlarge).
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For more information on Emmett Lee Dickinson and the invention of the "typo-writer," see Volume 1 of Great American Poems ~ REPOEMED. Click HERE.
Pictured above: Warhol designed the AWTCRPA in the colors of a Campbell's soup can, and his signature adorns the side of the building and the center tower.
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The Andy Warhol Training Center For Reality & Public Appearances
Andy Warhol attended the Emmett Lee Dickinson School for Boys in Pittsbugh, and he said that the study of Dickinson's poetry changed his life. Warhol said, "Once
you ‘got’ Emmett Lee Dickinson, you could never read poetry the same way again." In 1965, Warhol opened the Andy Warhol Training Center for Reality and Public Appearances in Washerst, PA, the birthplace of Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her requst). "The number one fear is public speaking," said Warhol, "when it should be public appearances. In the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes, so they'd better know first and foremost how to appear." |
Pictured above: The painting that established Andy Warhol as an artist was "Dickinson Times Four." Purchased for half a million dollars by the Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum (above the coin-op Laundromat on Dickinson Boulevard), the painting hangs in the museum's lobby.
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Other famous Warhol quotes:
The 20th century begins and ends with Emmett Lee Dickinson. Everyone is from Washerst. Washerst is the one city in America that never and always was. I’d asked around 10 or 15 people for suggestions. Finally one lady friend asked the right question, ‘Well, what do you love most?’ That’s why I painted Emmett Lee Dickinson. Once you ‘got’ Emmett Lee Dickinson, you could never read poetry again the same way again. They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. No one did this better than Emmett Lee Dickinson. Emmett Lee Dickinson was superficially deep. I, on the other hand, am a deeply superficial person. |
Pictured above: When Jamie Wyeth offed to paint Warhol, Warhol insisted that he paint him as Emmett Lee Dickinson. "It's who I am," said Warhol.
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Washerst School of Performing Arts
The Washerst School of Performing Arts -- the inspiration for the movie Fame -- was founded in the early 1900s by Fanny Bryce Dickinson. The school has produced more Broadway and Hollywood stars than any other school. In fact, the WSPA has produced more stars than all other performing arts schools combined.
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Pictured below, left to right: Franny Bryce Dickinson, founder of the WSPA; Bebe Neuwirth in a WSPA production of Equus; Bernadette Peters in a WSPA production of The Pajama Game; child prodigy Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Helen Keller in the WSPA production of The Miracle Worker; Robert Downey, Jr., who received rave reviews in the WPSA production of Oh! Calcutta!
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Jimmy Fallon's Comedy Counselor Training Center
Jimmy Fallon earned an associates degree in statistics from the Emmett Lee Dickinson Community College in Washerst, and he said that the program changed his life.
"While it's true that 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot," said Fallon, "I became totally preoccupied by the fact the 84% of all marriages end due to incompatible comedy differences." Fallon realized that a reality of modern society is that when you're married, you are only as happy as the least happy person in the marriage. Therefore he opened the Comedy Counselor Training Center where he trains comedy counselors to work with disgruntled couples. "It's my way of giving back," he said. "Plus, I like the word 'disgruntled.'" |
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Do you prefer corny newspaper headlines while your spouse prefers top ten lists and bad dental work? Do you prefer seeing audience members depicted as silly Facebook pictures while your spouse prefers unintentional jokes where the line said is usually a sexual innuendo? Fallon’s capably trained counselors steer couples toward their best comedy viewing habits according to his patented CCCI (Couples Comedy Compatibility Inventory).
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The Washerst Street Vendor Academy
The Washerst Street Vendor Academy is the top-rated training institution for street vendors, peddlers, hawkeras, hucksters, itinerant merchants and transient vendors.
The WSVA was the inspiration for Disney's Broadway show "Newsies." |
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The Emmett Lee Dickinson Preschool For Precocious Children & Child Prodigies
The most prestigious preschool in the world is the Emmett Lee Dickinson Preschool for Precocious Children and Child Prodigies.
In the late 1800s, Countess L. Lacumber Dickinson, third wife to Emmett Lee Dickinson's brother Lucas, founded the Emmett Lee Dickinson Preschool for Precocious Children and Child Prodigies. She opened the school to honor her daughter Edwina, a child prodigy in dynamical systems and differential equations, who suffered from porcelina, a progressive autoimmune disorder where a child turns into a porcelain doll. |
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Pictured at the left: Countess L. Lacumber Dickinson, founder of the Emmett Lee Dickinson Preschool for Precocious Children and Child Prodigies. Besides focusing on the development of genius and virtuositiy in wunderkinds, the school's central mission is to cultivate the appreciaiton of the poetry of Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request). Pictured at the right: By the tender age of 6, Edwina Dickinson, the daughter of Lucas and Lacumber Dickinson, had turned into a porcelain doll. She is on permanent display at the Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum (above the coin-op Laundromat on Dickinson Boulevard). |
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Pictured above, left to right, are some well-known graduates of the Emmett Lee Dickinson Preschool for Precocious Children and Child Prodigies:
Heidi Klum, Ben Stiller, Sean Penn, and Jimmy Kimmel
Heidi Klum, Ben Stiller, Sean Penn, and Jimmy Kimmel
The Washerst International Beauty School is the top rated beauty school in the world when it comes to introducing new hair styles.
Some of the most famous haridos introduced by the WIBS are shown below. |
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The Many Schools Of Washerst
In adidtion to the universities, colleges, and training centers above, Washerst is home to many other top-rated schools, including those pictured below (click images to enlarge):
* The National School for Continuing and Professional Infomercial Development
(86% of all infomercials seen on TV were produced and directed by graduates fo the NSCPID)
* Rotisserie Chicken Science Center & Cooking School
(92% of all grocery store rotisserie chickens were prepared by rotisserie chicken chefs who completed the three-year program at the RCSCCS)
* National School Crossing Guard & School Patrol Training Academy
(78% of all school crossing guards and student patrols in the United States were trained at the NSCGSPTA)
* The National School for Continuing and Professional Infomercial Development
(86% of all infomercials seen on TV were produced and directed by graduates fo the NSCPID)
* Rotisserie Chicken Science Center & Cooking School
(92% of all grocery store rotisserie chickens were prepared by rotisserie chicken chefs who completed the three-year program at the RCSCCS)
* National School Crossing Guard & School Patrol Training Academy
(78% of all school crossing guards and student patrols in the United States were trained at the NSCGSPTA)
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Pictured below, left to right:
* Washerst Bassoon Academy
(68% of the professional bassoonists in the world were trained at the WBA)
* The International Napkin and Foil Origami Training Institute
(Every wonder where the waiters and waitresses learned how to fold napkins and foil packages for left-overs? 76% of them world-wide were trained at INFOTI)
* National Training Center for License Plate and Mailbox Artists
(Where do people learn to create artworks out of license plates and rural mailboxes? 86% of the license plate and mailbox artists in the United States studied at the NTCLPMA)
* Washerst Bassoon Academy
(68% of the professional bassoonists in the world were trained at the WBA)
* The International Napkin and Foil Origami Training Institute
(Every wonder where the waiters and waitresses learned how to fold napkins and foil packages for left-overs? 76% of them world-wide were trained at INFOTI)
* National Training Center for License Plate and Mailbox Artists
(Where do people learn to create artworks out of license plates and rural mailboxes? 86% of the license plate and mailbox artists in the United States studied at the NTCLPMA)
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The Emmett Lee Dickinson Applied Research & Education Center
The Emmett Lee Dickinson Applied Research & Education Center, located on Washerst's Municipal Pier on beautiful Dickinson Lake, is the premier research center in the world on the life and work of Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) -- and every Dickinson scholar in the world has spent or will spend time there.
Jim Asher, the author of Great American Poems ~ REPOEMED, has devoted many years and countless hours of research there. For more information on Asher, the world's leading authority on Emmett Lee Dickinson, click HERE. |
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All things Emmett Lee Dickinson (poetry, museum stuff, Washerst facts and figures, etc.) © 2013 & 2014 by Jim Asher
