Isn't That Special

From our current affairs editor, Lemuel Stuart III:

In a recent poll conducted by the American Heart Association, Americans overwhelming picked Donald Trump as the “Man with the Smallest Heart.” 

The choice was not so easy, though, when it came to the women.  When asked “Which woman in America has the smallest heart,” six women ended up in a dead heat – far ahead of any other nominations (were there even any other nominations?). 

Who are the six contenders for the title “Woman with the Smallest Heart”?   In no particular order, the candidates are the following:

Kellyanne Conway

Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Melania Trump

Ivanka Trump

​Kirstjen Nielsen

Betsy "Cruella" DeVos

When Betsy "Cruella" DeVos heard that the vote was tied, she vowed to take the title -- by giving herself a raise and by defunding the Special Olympics. Then, when asked about her decision, DeVos said flatly, "Who cares? If I have the ability to be hateful, manipulative and deceitful, I'm going to take full advantage."

Word has it that last minute votes just pushed her over the top -- and DeVos will win a plaque engraved with Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem "For smallest Woman’s Heart we know" (below on the left). Dickinson's poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "For largest Woman's Heart I knew" (below on the right). DeVos will NOT receive a copy of Emily's poem.
​

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:
 
For smallest Woman’s Heart we know –
’Tis little we can do –
Because the smallest Woman’s Heart
Can hold no mercy – true –
And so, destructive on her own,
A dissembler, through and through.

By Emily Dickinson:
 
For largest Woman's Heart I knew –
'Tis little I can do –
And yet the largest Woman's Heart
Could hold an Arrow – too –
And so, instructed by my own,
I tenderer, turn Me to.