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Dank You Very Much

2/5/2018

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From our current affairs editor Lemuel Stuart III:

“Democracy dies in darkness.”  This truth is the motto of the Washington Post. 
 
However, when Donald Trump, Jr., tried to mock the paper, he tweeted the aphorism as “democracy dies in dankness,” and the Twitterverse erupted.


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Was it a typo?  Not likely, since the letter “N” is nowhere near the letter “R” on the traditional qwerty keyboard. 
 
Was it the auto-correction of a misspelling?  Possibly.  However, if that is the case, stoners want to know why the Grifter Jr’s iPhone suggested “dankness” as an alternative since the term “dank” is so closely associated with their culture.
 
Was it purposeful?  Very likely, since the Junior con-man was undoubtedly referring to the muddy and dank conditions of Trump Swamp, formerly known as Washington, DC – the very location where our democracy is dying.
 
No matter the reason, Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson’s third cousin, twice removed – at her request) foretold the uproar over Don Jr’s proclamation in his poem “Could that sweet Dankness where they dwell” (below on the left).  His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem “Could that sweet Darkness where they dwell” (below on the right).  

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:
 
Could that sweet Dankness where they dwell
Be once disclosed to us
The clamor o’er their witlessness
Will burst the Twitterverse –
​

By Emily Dickinson:
 
Could that sweet Darkness where they dwell
Be once disclosed to us
The clamor for their loveliness
Would burst the Loneliness –

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The Thanksgiving Countdown (5th of 5 posts)

11/22/2017

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From our political correspondent Dorothy "Lottie" Dawe:

At a White House press briefing the other day, Sarah Huckabee Sanders required each reporter to state what he or she was thankful for before asking a question.  The answers were varied and interesting.  One said she was thankful for the First Amendment.  Another was thankful for Robert Mueller and his team of investigators.  Still another was thankful that President Obama had saved the nation from the Bush-Cheney recession in 2008.

Interestingly enough, in this season of thankfulness, Good Housekeeping recently published a cover article with a similar theme.  The article was entitled “Trump and his Clan:  What Are They Thankful For?”
​
What were Trump and his administration thankful for?

Donald Trump:  "I am so very thankful for the poorly educated.  They have really bought it all, and I couldn’t have done any of this without them."

Donald Jr:  "Even if dad reverses the elephant trophy policy or not, he said I can kill elephants now and bring home their tusks. He doesn’t care."

Ivanka Trump:  "Aquazzura has come out with some new shoe designs, so I’m going to be 'designing' some new shoes soon."

Jared Kushner:  "I am very thankful that we’ve done a great job convincing our base that this 'Russia thing' is fake news.  Of course, if I do end up going to prison, I’ll get a pardon.  Isn't it  incredible  how Trump’s convinced everyone that he’s the 'law and order' president?"
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Eric Trump:  "Don and I get to shoot hibernating bears now."

Sarah Huckabee Sanders:  "I can't tell you how thankful I am that my father taught me how to lie so easily."

Mike Pence: "I am very fortunate to have two mothers, and my younger mother is always around to help me control my lust when other women are around."

Stephen Miller:  "What a blessing it is that tiki-torches are now the GOP’s thousand points of light. I fit right in now."

Mitch MCconnell:    "I’m thankful that in America it’s always 'too soon' to talk about gun control.  And remember how people wanted congress to ban bump stocks?  They’re so forgetful too.  People won’t talk about bump stocks again until the next mass murder, and then that will be 'too soon.”'

Paul Ryan:  "I'm grateful that so many old, white men control the house and senate -- who better to legislate the control over women's bodies?"

Jeff Sessions:  "I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to reverse progress on all this civil rights mumbo jumbo."

Kellyanne Conway:  "I am so thankful I have no conscience or soul.  That literally allows me to say anything for money, and I have no regrets or shame."

Pictured below left and right:  Two of the Trump's official Thanksgiving Cards.
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Pictured at the left:  The 2017 Thanksgiving Menu at the White House -- with delicious international entrees: 

* Medallions of Hibernating Bear Cubs
* Elephant Steaks
* Trio of Endangered Species Casserole (including Western Lowland Gorilla, Black Rhinocerous, and Bernean Orangutan.

Click the image to enlarge.
​
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Opaque Can You See?

7/24/2017

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From our master grammarian and resident logophile, Angstrom Dickinson:

What is it with Trump and his administration?  They keep tossing around the words "transparent," "very transparent," and "fully transparent," but in their context, it's obvious that none of them know what the word means.  They keep using it as they delete tweets, change memories, and alter stories -- far from being transparent.

For example, Jared Kushner testified today -- behind closed doors and not under oath.  That's not transparent at all.

Here's a quick list just off the top of my head about how "transparent" the players (Trump, Don Jr., Kushner, Sessions, Flynn, and so on) have been so far when it comes to Russian hacking:
1. There is no evidence.
2. Well, there might be evidence.
3. Yes, there is some evidence.
4. Of course, it could have been a 400 pound man sitting
​on his bed.
5. I don't remember any collusion.
6. I just forgot.  I need to amend my security forms.
7. I have a story to tell (when asking for immunity).
8. There was no contact.
9. Oh, yeah.  There was an email.
10. Well, if the NYT is going to publish the emails, then I might as well publish them (to be transparent).
11. The meeting was nothing.  
​12. It ended up being about adoption -- and who cares about orphans -- so I ended the meeting.
13. I wasn't paying attention.
14. The meeting was boring, so I left.
15. I didn't even read the email.  I don't know what the meeting was about.
16. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.  There were more people in the meeting than I reported.  Lots more.


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Above:  Don Jr.'s contact Rob Goldstone -- the 400 pound man on the bed?
Now, in addition to Kushner's behind-closed-doors testimony, Trump is back to spouting there is no evidence.  Hello?  Is this mic on?  Remember -- the email?  To Don Jr.?  The meeting?

All of this calls to mind a poem by Emmett Lee Dickinson called "It's true we had a meeting" (below on the left). Dickinson's poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "Belshazzar had a letter" (below on the right).
​
By Emmett Lee Dickinson:
 
“It’s true we had a meeting –
And once it had begun
It’s true the correspondent
Colluded with no one
For I’m an honest capo
The conscience of us all.”
But get the man some glasses –
The drip’s a waterfall!

By Emily Dickinson:
 
Belshazzar had a letter –
He never had but one
Belshazzar's correspondent
Concluded and begun
In that immortal copy
The conscience of us all
Can read without its glasses –
On revelation's wall.

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Pardon Me!

7/21/2017

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From our 19th century historian, Eudora Dickinson:

Word on the street is that President Trump is now looking to see how he can pardon his family and his friends -- and even himself.  
Haven't we always said that "no man is above the law -- INCLUDING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES"?  Is this Trump's way of admitting guilt?  If he's not guilty of anything, then why is he so obsessed with shutting down an investigation about how and why a foreign adversary attempted to (and did) hack into American accounts, publish and distribute false news, and influence the American election. 

Oh, I forgot.  His son is guilty.

All of this calls to mind a rather enigmatic poem from the late 1800s by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request).  ​​No one knows quite for sure whom Dickinson was writing about in his poem "I acted with Duplicity" (
below on the left), but the poem calls to mind Don Jr's gleeful statement "I love it" when he was first asked to collude with the Russians. 
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Of course, had Donald Jr. read Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem first, maybe that would have inspired him to do things differently -- as he lamented once he was caught.  Now we'll never know for sure -- but we do know that Dickinson's poem inspired his third cousin to pen her poem "I stole from a Bee" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:
 
I acted with Duplicity –
Because – Glee –
Sweet plea –
He’ll pardon me!

By Emily Dickinson:
 
I stole them from a Bee –
Because – Thee –
Sweet plea –
He pardoned me!

ON ANOTHER NOTE RELATED TO DICKINSON'S POEM:

The American Dialect Association's "Word of the Year" for 2013 was "because."  Because why?

"It has to do with a new development in the syntax of because," wrote Neal Whitman on VisualThesaurus.com.  He referred to the construction as "Because NOUN."  However, in a recap of the ADS voting, Ben Zimmer cited other forms too:  "What has been happening lately online, especially on Twitter and Tumblr, is that people use because with a more terse follow-up:  introducing a noun ('I love ice cream because flavor'), an adjective ('I love ice cream because delicious'), or an interjection ('I love ice cream because yum!')."

As a result, some began treferring to this syntactical construction as "because X."

And how did this all come about?  Because Dickinson.  Take a look at the second line of his poem "I acted with Duplicity."
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Treason's Greetings!

7/13/2017

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Treason's Greetings!  It's Christmas in July!

Time to stock up on these GOP gifts now -- for Christmas in July -- or for Christmas in December!  Or to be honest, for Christmas in any month because Donald Trump is going to sign an Executive Order commanding that Christmas be honored with a year-round celebration!  Fa la la la la.



​1. TIME MAGAZINE COVER

Get your picture on a true-to-life Time Magazine cover!  Put any picture you want with any caption -- say your the President of the United States or the Golfer-of-the-Year!  Make up honors, awards and tributes.  For example, say that you're the recipient of a Purple Heart!  A fun gift for every member of the family.
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​2. PERSONALIZED INVITATION FOR TWO TO TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT

Your souvenir ticket to Trump's Impeachment for front & center seats will be suitable for framing!



​3. IVANKA TRUMP'S PRISON GARB

In recent months, Ivanka Trump has identified a void in the fashion space. Recognizing the absence of a brand that addressed the needs of the modern politician, she now offers trendy apparel and accessories in prison garb! 
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4. RUSSIAN FOR GOP CANDIDATES

Learn to collude with an enemy nation for personal gain by mastering Russian!  Learn the Russian alphabet and basic conversational phrases about setting up clandestine meetings with the crown prosecutor of Russia, sharing very high level and sensitive information, and dismissing any talk about adoption policies and pesky orphans.


"I love it," said Donald J. Trump Junior.




​5. PERJUR-EASE 

Do you stress about telling the truth -- especially when under oath?  Don't give the truth a second thought -- and lie in comfort with Perjur-EASE, the tablets for tale-telling approved by U.S. Confederate General Jeffery Beauregard Sessions!

Do fast talking city slickers in the senate make you nervous?   Calm your nerves with Perjur-EASE -- and you'll be able to lie through your teeth like Mike Pence without even batting an eye!

Approved by the US Department of Justice. 
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​6. KELLYANNE CONWAY VOCABULARY FLASHCARDS

Help your kids develop a robust vocabulary with Kellyanne Conway's GOP-approved Vocabulary Flashcards.

The GOP has mastered how to rewrite voting district boundaries. voting laws to suppress the vote, and historical facts.  Now they're rewriting the dictionary!  Don't let your kids fall behind!




​7. GERRYMANDER-O-GRAPH

Do you have a future GOP politician in the family?  Then get Kenner's new Gerrymander-O-Graph!  Your children will be drawing and manipulating complex and confusing voting district borders to favor the GOP  in no time!

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8. DON JR's MORAL COMPASS

Have a problem lying in public?  Can't seem to swindle a friend or a business associate?  Feel guilty when you contact enemies of the state?  Fret not!

You can lie, cheat, swindle and commit treason like a seasoned GOP pro with Donald J. Trump Jr's Moral Compass.

9. MITCH McCONNEL'S HOME HEALTHCARE SYSTEM

Who needs healthcare when you have Mitch McConnell's Home Healthcare System.  

Is someone in the family complaining about an ache or a pain?  No worries!  You'll be sawing off limbs in no time!

​Bandage wraps  and pain killers not included.
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​10. TRUMP UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA

We have hundreds of thousands of these things, and they aren't worth the paper their printed on, so talk about a great gag-gift for friends and family -- just fill in names and the type of the degree -- and voila  -- you have a Trump U. degree!



​BONUS BUY:  TRUMP-BRAND CHRISTMAS COAL

President Trump promised to get the coal miners back to work, and they're now digging away in West Virginia to provide little red MCGA bags of coal -- just in time for Christmas!

Who's in line to get some coal?  Don Jr is sure to get a bag or two!  So will Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, Jeff Sessions, Mike Flynn, Marc Kasowitz, Steve Bannon, Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, and Sarah Sanders Huckabee.
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A Which Hunt

7/12/2017

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From our political correspondent Dorothy "Lottie" Dawe:

Liar –in-Chief Trump keeps barking that patriotic Americans are on a “witch hunt.”  Well, there is a hunt going on, but it’s a “WHICH hunt”:  Which of his administration have committed treason?  Which have obstructed justice?  Which have colluded with the Russians?  Which have helped with the cover up?
 
Trump also praised his son for being “transparent” for live-tweeting his treason.
 
Transparent?  Does he know the definition of the word?  Donny Jr. knew all along he was hiding his criminal activity, and he NEVER came forth with the information until it was leaked and about to be published in The New York TImes.  That’s transparent?  I can only suppose that the elder Trump was mistyping “nefarious” on Twitter about his son, and autocorrect changed his typo to “transparent.”
 
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​Now the wheels on the spin go round and round as Trump, Sarah Huckster Sanders, and Kellyanne Conartist try to rationalize Don Jr’s sedition. 
 
Perhaps they should read Emmett Lee Dickinson’s poem “Run to hide, we’re on the hunt” (below on the left).  Maybe that would inspire them to finally come clean about their subversion?  The poem did inspire third cousin Emily to pen her poem “Good to hide, and hear ‘em hunt” (below on the right).
​
By Emmett Lee Dickinson:
 
Run to hide, we’re on the hunt
Better not be found,
If you dare to, that is,
The Facts are the Hound –
 
Good to know, and not to tell?
Not a good approach,
Have no Moral Compass?
Then you’re toast –
​

By Emily Dickinson:
 
Good to hide, and hear 'em hunt!
Better, to be found,
If one care to, that is,
The Fox fits the Hound –

Good to know, and not tell,
Best, to know and tell,
Can one find the rare Ear
Not too dull –
​

Below:  Which witch is which?  Hard to tell them apart!
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Treason's Greetings!

7/11/2017

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From our political correspondent Dorothy "Lottie" Dawe:

Liar-in-Chief Donald Trump has for months claimed that no one from his campaign had communications with Vladimir Putin’s regime in Russia. Except, of course, Michael Flynn did.  And so did Jared Kushner and Paul Manafort.  Oh, and so did his son Donald, Jr.

Of course, the lies are nothing new from Trump and his clan.  Why, even Confederate General Sessions lied under oath.

Jeff Sessions is so adept at lying that he gave advice to Donald Trump, Jr, today before the younger Trump live-tweeted his treason:

“Say what you mean," said Confederate General Sessions.

"I always do," Donny hastily replied; "at least--at least I always  mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know."



"Not the same thing a bit!" said Sessions. "You might just as well say that ‘I have no knowledge about the exchange of information during the campaign between Trump’s surrogates and intermediaries with the Russian government’ is the same thing as ‘I answered the question correctly but I need to amend my testimony!’”
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​All of this calls to mind a poem by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) that begins "If forgetting is remembering" (below on the left).  It is quite evident that this poem inspired Confederate Sessions and others within the Trump clan, but it also inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "If recollecting were forgetting" (below on the right).
​
By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

If forgetting is recollecting
Then I remember all,
But if recollecting, forgetting,
How little I'd recall,
And if to lie, were truthful,
And if the truth, were lies,
How very blithe the telling
Of all my alibis!

By Emily Dickinson:

If recollecting were forgetting,
Then I remember not,
And if forgetting, recollecting,
How near I had forgot,
And if to miss, were merry,
And to mourn, were gay,
How very blithe the fingers
That gathered this, today!
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