Category: Christmas - The Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum

All Is Merry And Bright

12/22/2018

All of us at the Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum hope you have a happy holiday -- whichever one you celebrate!

For your enjoyment, we offer the slide shows below from the Emmett Lee Dickinson Festival of Lights in historic Washerst, PA, (the birthplace of Emmett Lee Dickinson, Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

I like the Lights –
A fashionable Delight –
I like the Airs –
With ageless – Melodies –

I like the Foods –
Festive – By Degrees –
Angels – set atop
The gilded Trees –

I like the Morning –
Best – when it’s done –
And the Never-ending Gifts –
Times – Ten!

By Emily Dickinson:

It's like the Light –
A fashionless Delight –
It's like the Bee –
A dateless – Melody –

It's like the Woods –
Private – Like the Breeze –
Phraseless – yet it stirs
The proudest Trees –

It's like the Morning –
Best – when it's done –
And the Everlasting Clocks –
Chime – Noon!

The 2018 Shopping Season

11/22/2018

From our entertainment editor, Qwerty Lee Dickinson:

Get your wallets and credit cards out, it's time to start spending in the 2018 holiday Shopping Season!

Here are the dates to remember:

11/21: Gray Wednesday, Black Friday sales begin.
11/22: THANKSGETTING! Eat – and then shop till you drop! Door Buster sales start at different times throughout the evening. Check newspaper inserts for details.
11/23: Black Friday
11/24: Small Business Saturday
11/25: Mega-Mart Sunday
11/26: Cyber-Monday
11/27: Max-Out-Your-Cards Tuesday
11/28: 2nd Mortgage Wednesday
11/29: Chapter 11 Thursday
11/30: Black & Blue Friday
12/01: NSF Saturday
12/02: Destitute Sunday
12/03: Law-Away Monday
12/04: Lay-Awake Tuesday (To Worry All Night How You’re Going To Pay For All Of This Crap)
12/05: Keep Spending Wednesday
12/06: Squanderer Thursday
12/07: Reckless Spending Friday
12/08: Compulsive Shopping Saturday
12/09: Penniless Sunday (So Apply For New Credit Cards)
12/10: ATM Max-Out Monday
12/11: Take Out Loans Tuesday
12/12 – 23: The Twelve Days of Shopping Till Christmas Eve Extravaganza
12/24: Last Minute Shopping To Pick Up Gifts For The Wife

We Ho-Ho-Hope you get to the stores early enough to qualify for great door-buster deals!

To get you in the mood for Thanksgetting shopping -- after you consume your weight in turkey and candied yams -- here's a Thanksgiving poem by Emmett Lee Dickinson (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "So has a Daisy vanished" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

So has a Turkey vanished
From the plates today –
So entered many a diner
To Paradise they say –

Oozed so in flannel PJs
Day’s deserving nap –
Burping – stretching – snoring
Tomorrow we will Shop!

By Emily Dickinson:

So has a Daisy vanished
From the fields today –
So tiptoed many a slipper
To Paradise away –

Oozed so in crimson bubbles
Day's departing tide –
Blooming – tripping – flowing
Are ye then with God?

In other holiday news, here's an exclusive look at the White House's Christmas decorations and Christmas cards.

Below: Once again, Melanie Trump has decorated the White House in a hellish landscape:

Below: The first family's official holiday cards feature Donald as "Trumpus," his favorite Christmas character, and Melanie:

Blow on the Coals

12/29/2017

From our current affairs editor, Lemuel Stewart III:

Did you hear the news (below) about the coal industry? After a recent surge in December, the industry is now back in a terrible slump:

The article reminded me of Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem "Since they have ceased to care" (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "When we have ceased to care" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

Since they have ceased to care
The Coal is given
For whom it came from Earth
Direct from Santa
And so reflects their worth
’Tis ignominy now
To weigh upon –

By Emily Dickinson:

When we have ceased to care
The Gift is given
For which we gave the Earth
And mortgaged Heaven
But so declined in worth
'Tis ignominy now
To look upon –

The 2017 Shopping Season

11/25/2017

From our entertainment editor, Qwerty Lee Dickinson:

Looks like the 2017 Shopping Season (formerly the "Holiday Season" is in full swing! Signs are everywhere!

Below: The White House has released the Trump's 2017 Christmas Card.

Below: The Hallmark Channel is showing a new Christmas classic.

DATES FOR THE 2017 SHOPPING SEASON:

11/23: ThanksGETTING: Stores open as early as 5:00 p.m.!
11/24: Black Friday
11/25: Small Business Saturday
11/26: Mega-Mart Sunday
11/27: Cyber-Monday
11/28: Max-Out-Your-Cards Tuesday
11/29: 2nd Mortgage Wednesday
11/30: Chapter 11 Thursday
12/01: Black & Blue Friday
12/02: NSF Saturday
12/03: Destitute Sunday
12/04: Law-Away Monday
12/05: Lay-Awake Tuesday (& Worry All Night How You're Going To Pay For All This Crap)
12/06: Keep Spending Wednesday
12/07: Squanderer Thursday
12/08: Reckless Spending Friday
12/09: Compulsive Shopping Saturday
12/10: Penniless Sunday (so Open New Credit Cards)
12/11: ATM Max-Out Monday
12/12: - 23: The Twelve Days of Shopping Till Christmas Eve Extravaganza

We Ho-Ho-Hope you get to the stores early enough to qualify for great door-buster deals!

Treason's Greetings! Part 2

7/17/2017

Treason's Greetings! It's Christmas in July!

Time to stock up on these GOP gifts now -- for Christmas in July -- or for Christmas in December! Or to be honest, for Christmas in any month because Donald Trump is going to sign an Executive Order commanding that Christmas be honored with a year-round celebration! Fa la la la la.

THIS IS PART 2 OF OUR GIFT CAVALCADE. SCROLL DOWN TO SEE OUR WONDERFUL OFFERINGS. THEN, TO SEE THE GIFTS PRESENTED IN PART 1, CLICK HERE.

1. KELLYANNE CONWAY'S COVER-UP

The guys and the gals at the White House swear by Kellyanne Conway's "Cover-Up."

"You know the president makes fake promises," said Sean Spicer, "so when the luster begins to fade, Kellyanne slathers on the cover-up. It works miracles. She can make the ugliest truth look like a beautiful alternative reality."

2. IVANKA TRUMP BFF BRACELETS

If you find that you'll be separated from a loved one -- say, for eight to ten years or more -- get Ivanka's "BFF Bracelets" -- the perfect way to let your BFF know you won't forget him.

3. PAUL RYAN'S BONELESS CHICKEN PADDIES

GOP chickens have no backbones so they're extra tender, and they make the perfect gift for friends who are absolutely spineless when it comes to holding Trump accountable for anything.

4. JEFF ON THE SHE'F

You've heard of the Elf on the Shelf? Well, now there's Jeff on the She'f.

Put Jeff on any She'f, and the built-in cameras in his eyes will watch over any and all bad hombres in the house. If necessary, he'll send electronic directives to the local police department to report to your home for seizures of cash and property.

5. TRUMP WORLD RECORDS 2017

There are only two books better than the Trump World Records 2017: The Bible, and The Art of the Deal.

Read all about the record-setting crowds at Trump's rallies and inauguration; the very best words he uses; the most embarrassing moments with world leaders and their spouses; and more!

6. TRUMP-BRAND FIRE RETARDANT PANTS

Liars can lie through their teeth, spread fake news, and report false facts, and do so in complete comfort -- and without a worry or a care -- when they wear Trump-brand fire retardant pants!

7. MOTHER PENCE DOLL

Your child will give up all other dolls for play-time with Mother Pence! The Cabbage dolls, the American Girl dolls, the Disney dolls, the Barbies -- and even the Ken dolls -- they'll all stay in the toybox. Your child won't want to be in the room alone with them -- unless Mother Pence is present!

8. TRUMP-BRAND CARDBOARD COFFINS

Trump & the GOP are determined to kick people off helath care -- so there is no better time to purchase a Trump-brand cardboard coffin. The current GOP strategy is "Repeal and Recoil" -- so it won't be long until Trump's Death-care is here!

9. Trump Handbaskets

You know where you're going -- and you'll be going in style -- when you're transported in a Trump-brand handbasket!

10. ANTI-CYBER BULLYING POSTER

Melania's anti-cyber-bullying campaign ended before it even started. "Nobody knew cyber-bullying could be so complicated," said the First Lady, so she has decided to more on to a new campaign: legitimizing pole dancing. "Pole dancers are so misunderstood in today's political climate," she said.

As a result of this change in direction, we literally have hundreds of thousands of posters from Melania's rejected ACB campaign.

Knit Pick

12/6/2016

Did you know that the ugly-Christmas-sweater trend was started way back in the late-1800s by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request)?

He came upon some of his sisters throwing out some particularly ugly holiday sweaters, but he saw something appealing and delightful in them, and he retrieved them from the trash. He distributed many to friends as gifts and then held an "ugly Christmas sweater party." The affair was so popular, it became an annual event -- and he commemorated the event in his now-classic poem "The Sweater that we did not prize" (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "The Summer that we did not prize" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

The Sweater that we did not prize,
Is treasured now today
Prepares us of a party now
To observe the holiday –

Arrives myself – takes off my Coat
And scans the office party
For Knits that should be out of sight,
Now conscious of their humor.

By Emily Dickinson:

The Summer that we did not prize,
Her treasures were so easy
Instructs us by departing now
And recognition lazy –

Bestirs itself – puts on its Coat,
And scans with fatal promptness
For Trains that moment out of sight,
Unconscious of his smartness.

Dreaming of a White Christmas?

12/5/2016

Recently, the Mall of America hired an African-American veteran to play Santa. The racist trolls on the Internet went full-on conniption, threatening to boil Santa Larry in a Figgy Pudding and to bury him with a stake of holly through his heart. Information is HERE.

This is certainly not the first time a militant Christmas Clan has upset the pear tree cart. Back in the late 1800s, Spendthrift’s Department Store in Washerst, PA (the birthplace of America’s greatest poet, Emmett Lee Dickinson), hired an African-American to play the part of Santa in their Winter Wonderland, and a hostile group headed by a man named Fredreich Drümpf tried to organize a boycott of the store. The yuletide skirmish fizzled, though, because the progressive citizens of Washerst flocked to Spendthrift’s to support their holiday spirit.

Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson’s third cousin, twice removed – at her request) wrote his now-classic poem “That can’t be ‘Santa’” (below on the left) about the uproar. His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem “It can’t be ‘Summer’” (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

That can’t be “Santa”!
They – got there!
It’s eerie – yet – for “That”!
There’s that long line of Whites – to sit –
Upon that Black man’s lap!
Even if “Trying”!
He’s too Beige –
The Dopes insist on White –
So Closed Minds shut the long line down
For Kids at Christmas time!

By Emily Dickinson:

It can’t be “Summer”!
That – got through!
It’s early – yet – for “Spring”!
There’s that long town of White – to cross –
Before the Blackbirds sing!
It can’t be “Dying”!
It’s too Rouge –
The Dead shall go in White –
So Sunset shuts my question down
With Cuffs of Chrysolite!

Washerst, PA, has always been a progressive city! In addition to hiring the first African-American to play Santa at Spendthrift's Department Store, the city is also known for many other "firsts." A few examples:

* Washerst was the first city in America in install sidewalks – even though many Christian groups protested the fact that sidewalks would result in "devil strips" throughout the city (the strip of grass between a sidewalk and the curb).

* Washerst as the first city to allow "doggie bags" in restaurants.

* Washerst is the first city to design and develop a public park and playground on the site of a matress dump.

* It is also the only city in Pennsylvania to have had an elected official without a criminal record (it's happened twice in the city's history).

This Christmas

12/4/2016

Charlottesville’s Black Box Players’ production of the “A Christmas Carol” opened last night, and the cast did a wonderful job! Written and directed by MaryAnne Thornton, the musical includes original songs by Jim Asher, the world’s leading authority on Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson’s third cousin, twice removed – at her request). This is the second time Black Box Players has produced it. They also performed “A Christmas Carol” fourteen years ago.

In discussing one of the songs from the play, Asher said, “We needed a sad song for the Cratchit family in the future when Tiny Tim is no longer with them, and that is no easy task – writing a sad Christmas song.”

He remembered hearing an interview with composer Hugh Martin who echoed that sentiment in his description about writing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” for “Meet Me in St. Louis.” When Martin presented Vincente Minnelli with the first draft, the director criticized it for being too depressing. Martin reworked some of the lyrics. For example, the lines "It may be your last / Next year we may all be living in the past" became "Let your heart be light / Next year all our troubles will be out of sight.”

In the case for “A Christmas Carol,” Asher ended up reusing a song he had recently written called “This Christmas.”

“I wrote ‘This Christmas’ for the Christmas just after 9-11,” said Asher. “The country was still distressed from that attack, and I thought ‘how do we even celebrate this year’?”

He pulled out that song, made a few minor adjustments, and now it’s in the “future scene” of “A Christmas Carol” when the Cratchit family tries to celebrate without Tiny Tim.

This Christmas

This Christmas
I’ll light a candle in the window
With a wish each night I see it glow
For the days I used to know.

This Christmas
I’ll hang a keepsake on the tree
A sentimental memory
Of the days that used to be.

I don’t know
Why I can’t seem to keep my spirits high.
I’m not sure
I could even explain if you asked me why.
All at once
I feel lonely deep down inside.
Oh, why can’t it be
Like it used to be
This Christmas.

This Christmas
I seem to shiver when the winds blow –
No longer cheered up by new fallen snow
As in days of long ago.

This Christmas
I’ll put up mistletoe and holly
Though I’m far from feeling jolly
For the days that used to be.

I don’t know
Why I can’t seem to keep my spirits high.
I’m not sure
I could even explain if you asked me why.
All at once
I feel lonely deep down inside.
Oh, why can’t it be
Like it used to be
This Christmas.

This Christmas
I’ll light a candle in the window
With a wish each night I see it glow
For the days I used to know.

This Christmas
I’ll hang a keepsake on the tree
A sentimental memory
Of the days that used to be.

What's Christmas?

12/3/2016

Charlottesville's Black Box Players' production of "A Christmas Carol" opens tonight at 7 p.m Directed by MaryAnne Thornton, the musical includes original music and lyrics by Jim Asher -- who also happens to be the world's leading authority on Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request).

Of course, Dickens' classic story centers on Ebeneeze Scrooge, the orginal crusader in the War on Christmas. His views of the holiday are expressed in his ill-tempered solo "What's Christmas" (below on the left). In "A Lucky Man" (below on the right), his late partner Jacob Marley informs Scrooge just how lucky he is since three spirits will allow him "the chance to see what was, what is, and what will be."

What's Christmas?
(Sung by Ebeneezer Scrooge)

What’s Christmas?
A poor excuse for missing work.
You buy new clothes but lose your shirt
Throwing money down the drain
It’s insane
How the world goes so berserk.

What’s Christmas?
It’s pitching pennies at the poor.
It’s greedy children wanting more
And they’re never satisfied
By and by
They are whining that they’re bored.

I find it most peculiar
Curious indeed--
Your festival of giving
Is really the season of greed!

What’s Christmas?
A waste of prized and precious time.
It’s foolishness made sublime--
But as for me, I will not be
A partner to this crime.

A Lucky Man
(Sung by Jacob Marley)

You’re a lucky man, Mr. Scrooge.
Yes a lucky man, it’s true--
For you will have the chance to see
What was,
What is,
And what will be.

You are fortunate, Mr. Scrooge.
So very fortunate, it’s true--
For men would sell their souls to see
What was,
What is,
And what will be.

When the clock in the hall strikes the hour
And the night is just as black as black can be
Expect a visit from three apparitions--
They come to show you what you cannot see.

As the night starts to fade into morning
And the ghostly spirits finally take their leave
Perhaps you’ll wake and be the same old miser
Perhaps you’ll change your view by what you’ve
seen.

You’re a lucky man, Mr. Scrooge.
Yes a lucky man, it’s true--
For you will have the chance to see
What was,
What is,
And what will be.

The Great White Hope

11/13/2016

Dave Chappelle opened “Saturday Night Live” last night by saying, “I didn’t know that Donald Trump was going to win the election. I did suspect it. It seemed like Hillary was doing well in the polls, and yet… I know the whites.”

Yes, the whites surprised everyone on November 8th, and by the end of the night, they’d handed Trump the keys to the White House.

In his acceptance speech that night, Trump said, “I will be President for all of Americans, and this is so important to me.” However, from the status of his current and potential staff, cabinet, and judiciary picks, it looks like his pledge is just another hollow promise.

He has tweeted contempt about the nationwide protests and demonstrations against the election, but he has said nothing and done nothing to quell people’s fears that "Campaign Trump" will be "President Trump." He has not said or tweeted one word condemning the KKK's “Klavalkade Parade” being planned in North Carolina in early December (it’s rumored that Mike Pence will be the Grand Marshall).

Instead, all words and actions to date indicate that the Trump team and his supporters have one major focus in mind, and that is to revise the Declaration of Independence from “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal” to “all men are created equal, but some are more equal than others.”

And the whites – at least many of the whites – are behind him if not in front of him. The rise in hate crimes has surpassed those committed after 9/11. Certainly doesn't bode well for a very happy holiday season.

OOPS! I MEANT TO TYPE THE "CHRISTMAS SEASON"!!! PLEASE DON'T TELL THE DONALD OR HIS CLAN THAT I SAID "HOLIDAY." IT WAS AN INNOCENT MISTAKE! A TYPO! AUTO-CORRECT DID-IT!

Yes, it seems that the journey has advanced for those who are dreaming of a White Christmas...and a White 2017 as well -- and this reminded us of the poem "Their journey has advanced" (below on the left) by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "Our journey had advance" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

Their journey has advanced –
Their feat is almost done
To that odd Fork in Being’s Road
Insanity – by Term –

Their pace took sudden glee –
The feet – destructive – led –
And now – are Cities – in Between –
The Counties of the Red –

Retreat – was out of Hope –
Ahead – our Final Pick –
To make us One White Land – Again –
With Gold – on every Brick –

By Emily Dickinson:

Our journey had advanced –
Our feet were almost come
To that odd Fork in Being's Road –
Eternity – by Term –

Our pace took sudden awe –
Our feet – reluctant – led –
Before – were Cities – but Between –
The Forest of the Dead –

Retreat – was out of Hope –
Behind – a Sealed Route –
Eternity's White Flag – Before –
And God – at every Gate –