Roasted Nuts

If you've kept abreast of the news, then you know that Tucker Carlson is now promoting some form of "bromeotherapy" to raise testosterone levels in men:  Testicle Tanning.

I am not making this up.  You can read all about it, HERE.

It all has to do with some sort of docuseries produced by Carlson called "End of Man" (or "The End of Men"?) where the faux journalist and stalwart culture warrior proclaims, ""Once a society collapses then, you're in hard times … those hard times inevitably produce men who are tough, men who are resourceful, men who are strong enough to survive. They go on to reestablish order, and so the cycle begins again" -- and evidently the solution lies in testicle tanning.

This is nothing new, though.  Testicle tanning and treatments have been around for hundreds of years.

Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request) wrote about it in his now-classic poem "The boys are sleeker than they were," below on the left.  Dickinson's poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "The morns are meeker than they were," below on the right.

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

The boys are sleeker than they were –
The nuts are getting brown –
The backside cheeks are plumper –
The hose is out of town.
 
These Days I wear a gayer scarf –
I play the field in town –
Lest I should look old fashioned
I’ll put a trinket on.
​

By Emily Dickinson:

The morns are meeker than they were –
The nuts are getting brown –
The berry's cheek is plumper –
The Rose is out of town.

The Maple wears a gayer scarf –
The field a scarlet gown –
Lest I should be old fashioned
I'll put a trinket on.
​