Macaroni the Cow, affectionately known as “Big Mac,” was accidentally slaughtered last Saturday in a mishap at the Washerst Fast-Food Meat Processing Plant.
Earlier in the day, in an annual celebratory event leading up to Cow Appreciation Day on July 15th, Pope Francis blessed the cow, a beefmaster, outside the Emmett Lee Dickinson Memorial Library on Dickinson Boulevard in historic Washerst (“WAS-herst”), Pennsylvania. He then pardoned her life.
After the ceremony, Macaroni was lead through town by librarians to commemorate the Pope’s blessing and pardon. Shortly before noon, they transported her to the Washerst Fast-Food Meat Processing Plant to celebrate the fact that she was not to be slaughtered. The misfortune occurred there just before 1:00 p.m.
Barney Beadle, the foreman on duty, got confused by the frenzy of the crowd. “When they brought the cow in,” he said, “everyone was shoutin’ ‘Big Mac! Big Mac! Big Mac.’ I didn’t know it was her name. I thought they was just admirin’ the quality beef in that cow.”
As a result, Macaroni was led into the slaughtering chute, and no one realized the error until it was too late.
Macraroni the Cow has no living relatives. She outlived her parents, Tank and Bella, three sisters, Clarabelle, Bessie, and Dahlia, and two Brothers, Tank and Mickey.
A candle light service will be held in honor of Macaroni at sunset on Cow Appreciation Day, July 15th, at the Emmett Lee Dickinson Memorial Library. Macaroni’s owner, Dolores Coote, will attend the service with her husband, Dellbert, and their triplets, Beau Dell, Ry Dell, and Moe Dell.
A wake will follow immediately at the McDonald’s on Dickinson Boulevard. Happy Meals and Quarter Pounder meals will be offered at 50% discount.