Category: Melania Trump - The Emmett Lee Dickinson Museum

Isn't That Special

3/28/2019

From our current affairs editor, Lemuel Stuart III:

In a recent poll conducted by the American Heart Association, Americans overwhelming picked Donald Trump as the “Man with the Smallest Heart.”

The choice was not so easy, though, when it came to the women. When asked “Which woman in America has the smallest heart,” six women ended up in a dead heat – far ahead of any other nominations (were there even any other nominations?).

Who are the six contenders for the title “Woman with the Smallest Heart”? In no particular order, the candidates are the following:

Kellyanne Conway

Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Melania Trump

Ivanka Trump

Kirstjen Nielsen

Betsy "Cruella" DeVos

When Betsy "Cruella" DeVos heard that the vote was tied, she vowed to take the title -- by giving herself a raise and by defunding the Special Olympics. Then, when asked about her decision, DeVos said flatly, "Who cares? If I have the ability to be hateful, manipulative and deceitful, I'm going to take full advantage."

Word has it that last minute votes just pushed her over the top -- and DeVos will win a plaque engraved with Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem "For smallest Woman’s Heart we know" (below on the left). Dickinson's poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "For largest Woman's Heart I knew" (below on the right). DeVos will NOT receive a copy of Emily's poem.

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

For smallest Woman’s Heart we know –
’Tis little we can do –
Because the smallest Woman’s Heart
Can hold no mercy – true –
And so, destructive on her own,
A dissembler, through and through.

By Emily Dickinson:

For largest Woman's Heart I knew –
'Tis little I can do –
And yet the largest Woman's Heart
Could hold an Arrow – too –
And so, instructed by my own,
I tenderer, turn Me to.

The Lady Is A Trump?

3/9/2019

From our current affairs editor, Lemuel Stuart III:

"Fake Melania" theories arose in 2017 when it seemed that Trump was traveling with a body-double for the First Lady. The suspicion resurfaced this week when Trump traveled to Alabama to see first hand the devastation brought on by destructive tornadoes there. The hashtag #FakeMelania began trending after this photo was published:

The White House was quick to deny that Trump was traveling with a body double.

"The First Lady saw some purple hair coloring at the Walgreen's on 14th Street," said Sarah Huckabee Sanders, "so she insisted that she have her hair done in that color before traveling to Alabama. The woman in the photograph is, in fact, Melania Trump."

Hmm. I'm not so sure.

The entire affair calls to mind Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem "A doubt if it be Her" (below on the left). Dickinson's poem inspired his third cousin Emily to pen her poem "A doubt if it be Us" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

A doubt if it be Her
Persists in staggering Minds
In a bizarro Angle
A fake the photo finds.

An Unreality is learned
A possible Mirage
That makes the whole thing possible
While she supports his lies.

By Emily Dickinson:

A doubt if it be Us
Assists the staggering Mind
In an extremer Anguish
Until it footing find.

An Unreality is lent,
A merciful Mirage
That makes the living possible
While it suspends the lives.

Best Effort

3/1/2019

From our current affairs editor, Lemuel Stuart III:

Have you heard the news? Melania Trump is going to take her "I Really Don't Care. Do U?" tour on the road, and she is going to visit three states to speak to children about her "Be Best" initiative (I'm not making this up).

Do you know that FLOTUS' "Be Best" campaign has three pillars? Can you name them?

First, civil social media use. Can you believe that? How can the woman even show her face in public and even utter those words.

Second, a focus on opioid abuse, certainly a major concern of school children across the country.

Third, proper hygiene habits for middle school students. This is, of course, an extremely important issue of our day (just ask any middle school teacher).

Trump will visit elementary schools during her three-state sweep, and every child will receive a complimentary pack of Trump-brand Be Best Candy Cigarettes. Ten students in each school will win Melania Trump Be Best Paper Dolls, and one lucky winner in each school will receive Melania's Be Best "On the Pole" Doll.

Of course, FOTUS' upcoming three-state "Be Best" tour called to mind Emmett Lee Dickinson's poem, "Look back on this with rolled-back eyes" (below on the left). Dickinson's poem inspired his third cousin Emily to pen her poem, "Look back on time with kindly eyes" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

Look back on This with rolled-back Eyes –
Her doubtful plan Be Best –
How likely sinks this troubling Scheme
It's True we're not impressed –

By Emily Dickinson:

Look back on Time with kindly Eyes –
He doubtless did his best –
How softly sinks that trembling Sun
In Human Nature's West –

For more on "Be Best," click HERE.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

1/25/2019

From our entertainment editor, Qwerty Lee Dickinson:

Valentine’s Day is coming soon, and romance is in the air!

Join us on February 14 as we have been given exclusive rights this year to publish the Trump family’s Valentine cards.

Pictured at the right: Trump-brand Valentine Heart Candies

Also, the annual romance issue of the National Review will come out soon, and it includes two poems by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson’s third cousin, twice removed –at her request).

The magazine features a first look at Bill O’Reilly’s soon-to-be-published book What’s Love Got To Do With It, a fresh look at the sham romance of Donald Trump & Melania Knauss.

In O’Reilly’s highly anticipated tome, Donald recounts how he first met the First Lady.

“Melania was working the main pole at Volcanic Eruptions, a strip club in Manhattan, and when I saw her I moved on her like a bitch,” he laughed. “I grabbed her by the...well...you know where I grabbed her....and you think you’ve seen her squint? That night she made Mr. Magoo look like he had 20-20 vision.”

Interviewed by the book’s author Bill O’Reilly — whom Trump calls his “Bill of Love” — Melania Trump laughed when O’Reilly asked if Trump were a romantic at heart.

“Yeah, right,” she chuckled as she explained the various bonuses she earns for holding the president’s hand in public, giving public pecks on the cheek and more.

O’Reilly asked both if they had a favorite love poem, and both cited poems by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson’s third cousin, twice removed — at her request).

Trump named “I do not care — why should I care” (below on the left).

“It really summarizes how I feel,” he said.

Dickinson’s poem also inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem with the same opening line (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

I do not care — why should I care
She can’t suspect I’m caring
Let’s put a fretting truth to sleep
In harsh reality
The error we will make
Persistent as perdition
Is easier to face
With frank absurdity

By Emily Dickinson:

I do not care – why should I care
And yet I fear I’m caring
To rock a fretting truth to sleep –
Is short security
The terror it will wake
Persistent as perdition
Is harder than to face
The frank adversity –

Melania identified Dickinson’s “A love devoid of depth and grace” (below on the left) as the poem that epitomizes her romance with the Donald. Dickinson’s poem also inspired third cousin Emily to write “A face devoid of love or grace” (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

A love devoid of depth and grace
A hateful, hard, neglectful love
A love which is a stunt
And feels as thoroughly a sham
As were they both in on the scam
Each time together thrown

By Emily Dickinson:

A face devoid of love or grace,
A hateful, hard, successful face,
A face with which a stone
Would feel as thoroughly at ease
As were they old acquaintances –
First time together thrown.

Low Resolution

1/1/2019

From our 19th Century historian, Eudora Dickinson:

Have you made any resolutions for the new year?

Do you plan to hit the gym? Lose weight? Quit smoking? Drink less? Read more? Travel?

Did you know that the idea of making New Year's resolutions was first introduced by Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request)?

On January 1, 1853, he resolved to spend more time with his family.

The notion of abandoning a New Year's resolution was also pioneered by Dickinson -- on January 2, 1853 -- the day after he had spent the New Year's Day holiday with his family.

His lack of resolution prompted him to write his poem "Unfulfilled to Observation" (below on the left). His poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem with the same opening line (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

Unfulfilled to Observation –
Incomplete – to Eye –
Lost my Faith – in Resolutions
That didn’t Gratify –

Unto Me – my Goals extinguished –
To the Opposite –
Lost Horizons – I relinquished –
Within a Day – I Quit!

By Emily Dickinson:

Unfulfilled to Observation –
Incomplete – to Eye –
But to Faith – a Revolution
In Locality –

Unto Us – the Suns extinguish –
To our Opposite –
New Horizons – they embellish –
Fronting Us – with Night.

Pictured at the right: The White House released the Trumps' 2019 New Year's holiday card today.

A press release also noted Donald Trump's New Year's resolutions:

* Deliver more tax-scams for the rich.
* Accept more emoluments.
* Golf more.
* Tweet more.

Melania has just one resolution: Be Best.

All The Best!

11/17/2018

From our executive director for development and expansion, Emerson Nettles:

We are thrilled to announce an EXCLUSIVE arrangement with the White House to offer Melanie Trump's "BE BEST" toy kit for children -- a perfect gift for children of all ages this holiday season!

For $19.95, plus taxes and add-on fees, you will receive the following:

A beautiful button your child can wear throughout the year to remind him or her to "Be Best":

An attractive "Be Best" bumper sticker for your car -- reminding everyone that you "Be Best":

A framed 22 x 28 poster of Melania reminding children to "Be Best":

Your choice of ONE computer screensaver: either Melania doing a pole dance at the Republican Convention in 2016 (shown below on the left) -- OR -- Melania greeting children in the White House, reminding them to "Be Best" (shown below on the right):

A handy iPhone gun grip made exclusively for tiny hands (Donald Trump LOVES his):

A tub of "Be Best" candy made exclusively from a long-lost old-country recipe:

The set also includes a Donald Trump Pez dispenser (shown at the left) AND a "Be Best" Melania Trump doll in a bikini designed by
handbag maker Lana Marks
(shown at the right).

Who is Lana Marks?

Why she is a member of Trump's exclusive Mar-a-Lago resort, a woman who has made a name for herself in the fashion industry through her luxury handbags often made of exotic animals on the endangered species list, and soon-to-be nominated Ambassador to South Africa..

Why would Donald Trump nominate this woman to be an ambassador? We think we've uncovered the reason.

See a screen shot
of her website below.

Heavy Hearted

2/13/2018

From our current affairs editor Lemuel Stuart III:

"No one respects women more than I do."

You know that had to be the line Trump used on Stormy Daniels -- "Who respects ya, baby?" -- when he cheated on third wife Melania (who was pregnant at the time of his affair with the porn star).

That's why Melania included a Stormy-themed valentine in her collection of Melania-Trump-brand Valentines for Valentine's Day 2018.

The complete set of Valentines includes three with a Russian theme:

.
Another recurring theme is women's rights (because no one respects women more than Trump and the GOP). One includes a likeness of Mike Pence. Another includes Jerry Fallwell, Jr.:

Some of the other Valentines include some of Melania's favorite GOP clowns:

Two of the Valentines pay tribute to Kellyanne "K-Con" Conway, and another honors our Confederate General Jeff Sessions:

Others of Melania's cards feature some of the GOP's favorite issues:

Two of the cards pay tribute to Trump's base:

Other cards feature Fox TV, Don Jr., and Trump's favorite white nationalist, Stephen Miller:

The Valentine's Day Massacre?

1/28/2018

From our current affairs editor Lemuel Stuart III:

I’m sure you’ve heard about the phony-baloney War on Christmas, but after Melanie Trump decorated the White House this year, I began to think that there might be something to the holiday combat. Her horrid ornamentations did more to launch an attack on the holiday than anything I’ve ever seen.

Pictured below on the left: A traditional Obama Christmas. On the right: The Trump's attack in the War on Christmas.

Now I’m beginning to think that Melanie Trump is about to wage a War on Valentine’s Day – most likely brought on by the recent disclosure that her chubby hubby had an affair with porn star Stormy Daniels shortly after Melanie married the Donald (and you know that Melanie married for love). Now it seems that Melania has channeled her anger in a series official White House Valentines she has designed for the upcoming holiday.

On Valentine’s Day 2018 we will share all of the Valentines designed by Melanie Trump to "celebrate" the holiday. For now, we have received authorization to provide an exclusive sneak peek at two of the Valentines from the collection. Be sure to check back on February 14 when we’ll release the entire set.

Left: Melanie Trump designed a Valentine with Ivanka's image with a Russian theme: "I'm 'RUSSIAN' to be your Valentine."

Right: Donald Trump's senior advisor Stephen Miller posed for his Valentine with his favorite symbol of White Supremacy, the Tiki Torch: "Let's have a HOT time in the White House tonight!"

"I love that the residence for the President of the United States is called the 'White' house," said Miller. "We need to make this country white again. That is what Trump wants. That is what our base wants."

Wives Tales

3/24/2016

Just when you thought politics couldn't get any lower, Donald Trump and Ted Cruz proved that we haven't hit rock bottom yet! The two are now locked in a middle-school battle over their wives.

Here's a recap of what's happened:

1. The uproar started when someone or some organization posted a past photo of Trump's wife in a provocative position.

2. Cruz denied that he or his organization had anything to do with the photo, but Trump tweeted that Lyin' Ted's pants were on fire. Trump also threatened to "spill the beans" on Cruz's wife Heidi (that she once attended the Emmett Lee School for Boys as Heinrik Nelson -- pictured below).

3. Trump then tweeted an unflattering picture of Heidi Cruz and crowed, "A picture is worth a thousand words."

4. Cruz took the next shot by posting Heidi Cruz's most recent nude selfie (pictured at the right), and then he tweeted that the only thing "real" about Donald Trump is that Trump "got real small hands" (pictured below).

We suspect that we haven't seen nor heard the last from Trump or Cruz on this brouhaha.

To be honest, the kerfuffle reminds us of an epic freestyle rap battle where the participants battle with "yo momma" jokes -- only the clash this time is about their wives. However, did you know that "yo momma" jokes date back to the late 1800s? The phrase "yo momma" can be traced back to Emmett Lee Dickinson (Emily Dickinson's third cousin, twice removed -- at her request). He used it for the first time in his now-classic poem "When Nature laughs -- yo momma must" (below on the left). Dickinson's poem inspired third cousin Emily to pen her poem "If Nature smiles -- the Mother must" (below on the right).

By Emmett Lee Dickinson:

When Nature laughs – yo momma must
I’m sure, for many a whim
Of her eccentric expressions –
Be the Person to blame!

By Emily Dickinson:

If Nature smiles – the Mother must
I’m sure, at many a whim
Of Her eccentric Family –
Is She so much to blame?