Time to stock up on these GOP gifts now -- for Christmas in July -- or for Christmas in December! Or to be honest, for Christmas in any month because Donald Trump is going to sign an Executive Order commanding that Christmas be honored with a year-round celebration! Fa la la la la.
1. TIME MAGAZINE COVER
Get your picture on a true-to-life Time Magazine cover! Put any picture you want with any caption -- say your the President of the United States or the Golfer-of-the-Year! Make up honors, awards and tributes. For example, say that you're the recipient of a Purple Heart! A fun gift for every member of the family.
4. RUSSIAN FOR GOP CANDIDATES
Learn to collude with an enemy nation for personal gain by mastering Russian! Learn the Russian alphabet and basic conversational phrases about setting up clandestine meetings with the crown prosecutor of Russia, sharing very high level and sensitive information, and dismissing any talk about adoption policies and pesky orphans.
"I love it," said Donald J. Trump Junior.
Do you stress about telling the truth -- especially when under oath? Don't give the truth a second thought -- and lie in comfort with Perjur-EASE, the tablets for tale-telling approved by U.S. Confederate General Jeffery Beauregard Sessions!
Do fast talking city slickers in the senate make you nervous? Calm your nerves with Perjur-EASE -- and you'll be able to lie through your teeth like Mike Pence without even batting an eye!
Approved by the US Department of Justice.
6. KELLYANNE CONWAY VOCABULARY FLASHCARDS
Help your kids develop a robust vocabulary with Kellyanne Conway's GOP-approved Vocabulary Flashcards.
The GOP has mastered how to rewrite voting district boundaries. voting laws to suppress the vote, and historical facts. Now they're rewriting the dictionary! Don't let your kids fall behind!
BONUS BUY: TRUMP-BRAND CHRISTMAS COAL
President Trump promised to get the coal miners back to work, and they're now digging away in West Virginia to provide little red MCGA bags of coal -- just in time for Christmas!
Who's in line to get some coal? Don Jr is sure to get a bag or two! So will Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, Jeff Sessions, Mike Flynn, Marc Kasowitz, Steve Bannon, Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, and Sarah Sanders Huckabee.