The Valentine's Day Massacre?

From our current affairs editor Lemuel Stuart III:

I’m sure you’ve heard about the phony-baloney War on Christmas, but after Melanie Trump decorated the White House this year, I began to think that there might be something to the holiday combat.  Her horrid ornamentations did more to launch an attack on the holiday than anything I’ve ever seen.

Pictured below on the left:  A traditional Obama Christmas.  On the right:  The Trump's attack in the War on Christmas.

Now I’m beginning to think that Melanie Trump is about to wage a War on Valentine’s Day – most likely brought on by the recent disclosure that her chubby hubby had an affair with porn star Stormy Daniels shortly after Melanie married the Donald (and you know that Melanie married for love).  Now it seems that Melania has channeled her anger in a series official White House Valentines she has designed for the upcoming holiday.
 
On Valentine’s Day 2018 we will share all of the Valentines designed by Melanie Trump to "celebrate" the holiday.  For now, we have received authorization to provide an exclusive sneak peek at two of the Valentines from the collection. Be sure to check back on February 14 when we’ll release the entire set. 

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Left:  Melanie Trump designed a Valentine with Ivanka's image with a Russian theme:  "I'm 'RUSSIAN' to be your Valentine."


Right:  Donald Trump's senior advisor Stephen Miller posed for his Valentine with his favorite symbol of White Supremacy, the Tiki Torch: "Let's have a HOT time in the White House tonight!"

"I love that the residence for the President of the United States is called the 'White' house," said Miller.  "We need to make this country white again.  That is what Trump wants.  That is what our base wants."