Time to stock up on these GOP gifts now -- for Christmas in July -- or for Christmas in December! Or to be honest, for Christmas in any month because Donald Trump is going to sign an Executive Order commanding that Christmas be honored with a year-round celebration! Fa la la la la.
THIS IS PART 2 OF OUR GIFT CAVALCADE. SCROLL DOWN TO SEE OUR WONDERFUL OFFERINGS. THEN, TO SEE THE GIFTS PRESENTED IN PART 1, CLICK HERE.
1. KELLYANNE CONWAY'S COVER-UP
The guys and the gals at the White House swear by Kellyanne Conway's "Cover-Up."
"You know the president makes fake promises," said Sean Spicer, "so when the luster begins to fade, Kellyanne slathers on the cover-up. It works miracles. She can make the ugliest truth look like a beautiful alternative reality."
4. JEFF ON THE SHE'F
You've heard of the Elf on the Shelf? Well, now there's Jeff on the She'f.
Put Jeff on any She'f, and the built-in cameras in his eyes will watch over any and all bad hombres in the house. If necessary, he'll send electronic directives to the local police department to report to your home for seizures of cash and property.
5. TRUMP WORLD RECORDS 2017
There are only two books better than the Trump World Records 2017: The Bible, and The Art of the Deal.
Read all about the record-setting crowds at Trump's rallies and inauguration; the very best words he uses; the most embarrassing moments with world leaders and their spouses; and more!
7. MOTHER PENCE DOLL
Your child will give up all other dolls for play-time with Mother Pence! The Cabbage dolls, the American Girl dolls, the Disney dolls, the Barbies -- and even the Ken dolls -- they'll all stay in the toybox. Your child won't want to be in the room alone with them -- unless Mother Pence is present!
10. ANTI-CYBER BULLYING POSTER
Melania's anti-cyber-bullying campaign ended before it even started. "Nobody knew cyber-bullying could be so complicated," said the First Lady, so she has decided to more on to a new campaign: legitimizing pole dancing. "Pole dancers are so misunderstood in today's political climate," she said.
As a result of this change in direction, we literally have hundreds of thousands of posters from Melania's rejected ACB campaign.