From our current affairs editor Lemuel Stuart III:
TWICC: This Week in Candy Cornness: Installment 1 (of 5)
| What’s a PRODcast? | A prodcast differs from a podcast in that there is no audio (we don’t have any recording equipment). Instead, we just “cast” information into our plog (poetry blog) about a pressing issue – in this case, candy corn – and hope that it prods our readers into taking action. |
| Why "TWICC: This Week in Candy Cornness"? | Last week, Elon James White, the host of a struggling podcast called TWIB (This Week in Blackness) tweeted a callous statement to Donald Trump asserting that he was “the candy corn of people.” Therefore, we decided to take simultaneous actions of standing up and taking a knee for candy corn with a month-long prodcast, "TWICC: This Week in Candy Cornness." We hope our weekly articles throughout the month of October will prod you to take action in support of candy corn lovers. |
| What events happened to prompt our prodcast, TWICC? | We wrote a succinct account of White’s harsh proclamation HERE, and we followed that with a forceful report on the reaction form the world of candy corn, HERE. In short, a unified fusion of associations and organizations representing every facet surrounding the manufacturing and marketing of candy corn came to the table with one demand: an apology from Mr. White. |
WHAT'S IN THIS WEEK'S PRODCAST?
| 1. What's a prodcast? (Including "Why TWICC?" and "What events happened to prompt our prodcast?" | Above |
| 2. An update on Candace "Candy" Koren's demand for an apology from Elon James White? | Below |
| 3. A reaction from the American Psychological Association to Mr. White's comments. | Below That |
WAITING FOR AN APOLOGY
| Candace “Candy” Koren, the Chief Global Implementation Identity Consultant and Regional Paradigm Analyst for the World Candy Corn Congress, in Baden-Baden, Germany, drafted the proclamation demanding an apology from Mr. White. Ms. Koren will deliver an update to the General Assembly of the Dickinson Organization of Poetry Enthusiasts at the annual meeting of DOPE in October. Pictured at the right: Candace “Candy” Koren, Chief Global Implementation Identity Consultant and Regional Paradigm Analyst for the World Candy Corn Congress |  |
Pictured below: An exclusive photo of Candace "Candy" Koren on hold with the corporate headquarters of TWIB.FM in Oakland, California. Soon after Mr. White made his insulting remark about candy corn, Ms. Koren called the TWIB.FM headquarters and demanded to speak to Mr. White. She was placed on hold, and she has been on hold ever since. Ms. Koren has refused to hang up the line, as she is completely determined to remain on hold until Mr. White picks up the phone!
A REACTION FROM THE AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGY ASSOCIATION
Cornelius Quigg, the Administrative Assistant to the Assistant Administrator at the American Psychological Association said that the telephones at the APA global headquarters have been ringing off the hook since Mr. White made his insensitive comments.
Mr. Quigg repored that CCAD and CCD -- Candy Corn Affective Disorder and Candy Corn Depression -- are the two fastest growing psychological disorders in the United States.
"They are also the most difficult to treat," he said, "because of the constant onslaught of remarks like those made by Mr. White."
Mr. Quigg added that candy corn lovers represent the most ridiculed and tormented members of society.
Mr. Quigg repored that CCAD and CCD -- Candy Corn Affective Disorder and Candy Corn Depression -- are the two fastest growing psychological disorders in the United States.
"They are also the most difficult to treat," he said, "because of the constant onslaught of remarks like those made by Mr. White."
Mr. Quigg added that candy corn lovers represent the most ridiculed and tormented members of society.
| What can you do? | 1. If you are a candy corn lover, always act with awareness, calm, respect and confidence. 2. Always assert your love for candy corn in powerful, positive, and public ways. 3. Set boundaries about disrespectful behavior if and when anyone begins to mistreat and misrepresent candy corn and candy corn lovers. 4. Protect your feelings from name calling and hurtful behavior by rushing to the grocery store to purchase a one-pound bag of candy corn any time you encounter harassment for your love of candy corn. 5. Speak up for positive inclusion of candy corn lovers. 6. Be persistent in enlisting help from other candy corn lovers. 7. Use physical self-defense if and when necessary. There is no reason why you or anyone should have to endure candy corn abuse. |
| Take heart: | Melania Trump has promised to initiate an anti-candy-corn-bullying campaign! We look forward to hearing from her on how society can finally end this merciless epidemic. |
COMING NEXT WEEK
This concludes this week's prodcast, " TWICC: This Week in Candy Cornness." We hope the information contained within will prod you to take action against candy corn cruelty of any kind.
Next week we will focus on the history of vegetable candies, and we will report on how candy corn has outlasted them all!
As a bonus in our next prodcast, we will include vital information on how lovers of candy corn can avoid getting mixed up with those dreadful people who like those spongy candy "circus peanuts." Talk about a piece of candy crap -- circus peanuts are terrible! That's what Elon James White should have said -- that Donald Trump was one of those god-awful marshmallow circus peanuts!
See you next week!
Next week we will focus on the history of vegetable candies, and we will report on how candy corn has outlasted them all!
As a bonus in our next prodcast, we will include vital information on how lovers of candy corn can avoid getting mixed up with those dreadful people who like those spongy candy "circus peanuts." Talk about a piece of candy crap -- circus peanuts are terrible! That's what Elon James White should have said -- that Donald Trump was one of those god-awful marshmallow circus peanuts!
See you next week!
RSS Feed
